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The Boss says, "We're rethinking our policy of allowing shorts during the heat wave." The Boss says, "Until we sort that out, I've been asked to cover you with a tarp." Dilbert thinks, "I should have fought for eye holes."
Dilbert says, "I'm in charge while our pointy-haired boss is on vacation." Dilbert says, "I expect each of you to be professional and productive during this time." Wally says, "Nice lying." Dilbert says, "I practiced in front of a mirror."
The Boss: "I am sad to report that Asok the intern died during a test of our moon shuttle prototype." "Before he left, he put a sample of his DNA in a jar. His plan is to reincarnate into his own clone." "Where's the jar with Asok's DNA?" Carol: "I needed a second candy jar."
Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"
I got a stomach-ache during my vacation day so I'm changing it to a sick day. "Apparently there's a biological limit to how many potato chips I can eat in a 24-hour period." "And I'm taking tomorrow as a sick day too. I still have eight bags left."
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources<Br>"Alice, you've been accused of making dismissive facial expressions." "You have also muttered the following sounds during meetings: piff, bah, ffff, and ssstoop." "Did anyone complain about this expression? I like to use it in these situations." "No, that's still good."
Company Lawyer "The court ordered us to turn over all of our e-mail records." "Gosh, I sure hope they don't get deleted during regularly scheduled system maintenance." "Oh no. That would be bad! Wink! Wink!" "Good grief, man! How can you be flirting at a time like this?"
I'm the editor of the department newsletter. That makes you my cub reporter. "Cub reporter??? I have an engineering degree from the India Institute of Technology - the most challenging university on the planet." "That'll come in handy during the copying phase. We get some fierce paper jams."
Dogbert's Executive Search Firm "How would you like to be the CEO of a major corporation?" "You'd be paid $100 million per year just for showing up." "I'd have to see the dental plan." "He's not very effective during the day."