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Asok: "May I move to one of the empty cubicles?" The Boss: "Those are full-size cubicles; interns get half-size cubicles." Asok: "Yes... ordinarily, but there are hundreds of vacant cubicles because of downsizing." The Boss: "I'm not following you." Asok: "They're EMPTY! They will never be occupied. I want to use one." The Boss: "We don't have the budget to turn a full-size cubicle into a half-size cubicle just for you." "GAAA!!! That's not what I... never mind! Forget it!" "Furthermore, I do not believe this is a half-size cubicle."
The Boss: Where can I put my most important files so I won't lose them? I'll balance them on top of the trash can so the janitor knows its not part of the actual trash. Garbageman: These items must be whats most urgently in need of discardation.
The boss: "I'll get everyone's opinion, and then I'll make my decision." Alice: "Translation: you'll take the advice of whoever does the best job of trash-talking everyone else." The Boss: "Where do you get these crazy ideas?" Dilbert: "She's mental."
Headline: Seven Stages of a Performance Review. Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches and says, "It's time." Headline: Denial. Carol is sitting across from the Boss. She looks at her evaluation and exclaims, "What the...? These aren't even my objectives!" Headline: Anger. Alice grabs The Boss by his tie and says, "Who said these things about me?!" Headline: Bargaining. Alice calms down and asks, "What if I make someone write a glowing e-mail about me?" Headline: Depression. Alice slumps in her chair and says, "Morale slipping away... hair.... so.... limp." Headline: Acceptance. Alice stands to leave and says, "Whatever, there's no budget for raises anyway." Headline: Trash-talking. Alice walks away from The Boss' office and says to herself, "... Wool-covered pile of ignorant monkey spit." Headline: Lunch. Alice sits in her cubicle and thinks, "A falafel would hit the spot."
Wally hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "As requested, I pulled together some inspirational quotes for our lobby wall." The Boss reads the list and says, "Hannibal Lector... The Donner Party... Uh.. Wally, most of these people are cannibals." Wally puts his hand on his stomach and says, "It was probably a mistake to do this assignment on an empty stomach."
Dilbert approaches a receptionist and says, "I have an appointment to see a demo of your new product." The salesman holds up a box and says to Dilbert, "And the unit will be in a case like this, but completely different, and it will have software, once we write it." Dilbert holds the box and says, "You let me travel four hours to see an empty case?" The salesman replies, "Are you forgetting the blank CD?"
The Boss says to Carol, "Carol call the police. My car has been stolen." Carol responds, "Is it like the last three times that you thought it had been stolen?" Carol continues, "And later you realized you just forgot where you parked it?" The Boss replies, "No. This time is different. My car is totally gone." Carol puts her hands up in the air and says, "Watch me use my magic powers to make your car reappear in the parking lot." Carol closes her eyes and exclaims, "Presto auto reappearo!!!" Carol says to The Boss, "After all the other cars leave the parking lot, your car will appear." The Boss finds his car in the empty parking lot. He thinks, "Freaky."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "We have too many empty cubicles. It frightens our customers." The Boss continues, "Each of you will adopt an empty cubicle and decorate it to appear occupied." Wally and Dilbert are walking out. Wally says, "My imaginary employee will be a Frenchman named Phil de Cube." Dilbert responds, "Nice."
The Boss interrupts a meeting and says, "Dilbert, can you come with me to a meeting?" Dilbert responds, "Actually, no. I'm running this meeting and it took three weeks to get everyone together." Dilbert says, "If I leave now, sixteen people will be wasting their time." Wally says, "I'll cover for you." Dilbert says to Wally, "You will?" Wally replies, "Sure. Just leave your notes and I'll take care of it." Dilbert follows The Boss and says, "What's the meeting about?" The Boss responds, "It's not exactly a meeting." The Boss, "I need someone to drink the crud on the bottom and then brew a fresh pot." Back at the meeting, Wally calls a vote, "All in favor of leaving before he gets back." Everyone raises their hands. Dilbert returns to an empty meeting. He thinks, "It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year."