Eyes Closed Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

181 Results for Eyes Closed

View 51 - 60 results for eyes closed comic strips. Discover the best "Eyes Closed" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Before you energize my team with your proposal, let me introduce everyone." "This is Wally. He'll show no reaction because he hopes apathy will kill our idea before it creates work." "This is Alice. She'll leave halfway through your presentation to take a phone call." "This is Asok. He'll be enthusiastic because he doesn't understand how the real world works." "This is Dilbert. He'll tell you why your idea is impossible." "This is Carol. She'll spend the entire meeting wondering if that's your real hair." "And this is Ted. He gave his two-weeks' notice last week." "And I like to keep my eyes closed the entire time because of my allergies. Go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags what fresh hell, eyebrows grow, comb them, asleep, quiet today

View Transcript

Transcript

"What fresh hell is this?" "I'm letting my eyebrows grow out." "If I comb them over my eyes, no one can tell that I'm asleep." "You're quiet today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prima donna, never produced anything, except arrogance, noise, ta-da, case closed, stand behind, end sentences

View Transcript

Transcript

"Asok, I want you to work for the prima donna. Do what ever he tells you." "May I point out that he has never produced anything except arrogance and noise?" "You will stand behind me, and when I end a sentence, you will either say, 'Ta-da' or 'case closed.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags workplace injuries, 10 thousand percent, new safety manuals, website, blood pressure rising, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: "Workplace injuries are up ten thousand percent since I distributed the new safety manuals." "The binders have sharp edges and, apparently, a curse. I asked Asok to help put it on our website." Asok: "Hands... So numb. Eyes... Strained. Blood pressure rising..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad attitude, new engineer, paid more, justify, smile

View Transcript

Transcript

"Why does the new engineer get paid more than I do? How do you justify that?" "Unlike you, he doesn't have a bad attitude." "I have a good attitude. Look at this smile. Look!" "My eyes!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spam filter, sexy photos, tiffany sent email, boss, eyes pop

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Someone named Tiffany sent me e-mail. YAGAA WAGGA!! Alice: someone turned off the spam filter.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career counseling, hear myself talk, roll their eyes, nod and smaile, babble, punish people, management aptitude test

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ruler of heck, devils advocate, do devil work, not certified, sarcastic, good time, move on

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss introduces Phil to a meeting, "I've hired Phil, the ruler of heck, to act as devil's advocate." Phil responds, "I'm not certified to do devil work. The best I can do is roll my eyes and be sarcastic." The Boss says, "Okay... moving on..." Phil rolls his eyes and says, "Oh yeah, this is a good time to move on."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags revenue estimates, research, too late, higher revenue, stress, flashlight, eyes, science

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss pokes his head in to Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Double the revenue estimates and make sure the research supports it." Dilbert responds, "But.. but... it's too late! The research is done, and it won't support higher revenue!" Dilbert is sitting on a doctor's table, shivering. The doctor flashes a light on Dilbert's face and says, "Your stress is from a combination of drive-by- management and a flashlight in your eyes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags script for meeting, script, twice a year, act one, scene two, admiration, leadership, employment, deliver line, eyes moist, sliced onion, morale

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "Here's your script for the meeting." Dilbert asks, "Script?" The Boss explains, "My boss sees me only twice a year. I want everything to go smoothly." Dilbert looks at the script and says, "In act one, scene two, when I proclaim my admiration for your leadership..." Dilbert continues, "What's my motivation?" The Boss replies, "Employment." Dilbert says, "Good, good." The Boss adds, "And it would help if your eyes were moist when you deliver the line." Dilbert points to his pocket and says, "I'll put a sliced onion in my shirt pocket." The Boss, The Boss' boss, and Dilbert are meeting. The Boss' boss says to Dilbert, "Hello, underling, how is your morale?" Dilbert is sobbing.