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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2006's comic on:


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My space defense shield detects an incoming threat. I am launching intercept rockets. "Apparently the boys at Google used a death ray to blast the international space station out of orbit and toward our house." "Why do you have a space defense shield?" "Doesn't that seem like a stupid question now?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Google Headquarters "Isn't it a little bit evil to kill Dilbert with our death ray?" "Good point...What if I just blast the space station out of orbit and make it land on his house?" "I'll bet you ten billion dollars you can't." "And the lower has to introduce himself as 'the dumb one.'"

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"Wally, I have to let you go..." "Well, this was bound to happen." "I guess someone told you that I e-mailed our CEO and said you think his daughter looks like a chimp." "Or is it because I built a guest house from stolen office supplies?" "Maybe it's because you found out that I've been taking a dollar out of your desk every day for seven years." "Actually, I was trying to say I have to let you go to a training class." "Is it someplace nice?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2006's comic on:


Tags #space heaters, #not allowed, #cubicles, #heat space, #uranus warm

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"Company policy says that space heaters are not allowed in cubicles." "My heater doesn't heat space. It heats the air in my cubicle. That's okay, right?" "Why would anyone heat 'space'?" "It keeps Uranus warm."

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Share February 01, 2006's comic on:


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"Hey, Dilbert, would you mind stopping by my house after work and seeing if you can fix my computer?" "Sure. And while I do that you can be at my house cleaning the grout in my shower." "That's crazy talk." "Hey, I'm not the one who majored in comparative literature."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #flashy, #thermostat, #turn up, #boiling, #build device, #get heat, #from your hot flash

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"Flashy, do you mind if I turn up the thermostat a few degrees?" "Yes. It's boiling in here." "Would you mind if we built a device that would redirect the radiant heat from your body?" "Okay, fine." "I should have asked more questions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2005's comic on:


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Wally Interviews "The job doesn't have a base salary." "You'll pay us $1,000 per month and work from home. If you make any money for us, we'll give you 10%." "You're not allowed to have business cards. And you can't use our name." "Can I have a private office in my house?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #right away, #three weeks, #deadline, #soar with eagles, #motivational poster, #over weekend cell phone, #sail boat

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"This needs to be done right away." "according to the date, you've had this on your desk for three weeks." "Now I'll have to work all weekend to finish it by the deadline!" "Sometimes you have to soar with the eagles." "Gaaa!! You're reading that from the motivational poster behind me!" "If I have any questions about this. Can I call you over the weekend?" "My cell phone doesn't work when I'm on my sixty foot, luxury sailboat." "Ay-yiyi-yi-yi!!!" "Hey, If you can't take the heat, get out of the...uh...kitchen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #fbi, #traced source, #spam, #revolutionary new pill, #rolex watches, #body fat

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"FBI, we need to talk to you." "We've traced the source of all internet spam to your house." "All of it?" "...The revolutionary new pill that turns your body fat into rolex watches!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #break even, #kudos, #motion sensors, #break room, #calculate energy

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The Boss: Kudos to Ted for his suggestion to put motion sensors on the lights in the break room. Dilbert: Hold it! I calculate that the energy savings are offset by the lost productivity of the meeting. The Boss: We have to burn the plaque for heat just to break even.