High Demand Comic Strips - Page 6
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Wally: Rogue nations are building nuclear weapons. The polar ice caps are melting. Unemployment is high. Entire nations are on the brink of default. You aren't saving enough for retirement. Dilbert: What do you have going here? Wally: He said he doesn't pay attention to news. I wondered why.
Boss: We're abandoning our low-margin lines of business and going into a whole new field. Dilbert: So... we'll be like a high-risk start-up company burdened with lumbering inefficiencies and a high cost structure? Boss: Was anything you said the same as buy-in?
CEO: Warren Buffett says your tax rate is higher than mine. Thank you for subsidizing my mansion, I really appreciate it. A good leader always shows appreciation to his underlings.
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Alice: I'm so frustrated that I want to cry, but I refuse to fall into the stereotype. Asok, I'm making you my surrogate crier. This might hurt a little. Asok: Worst meeting ever. Dilbert: I thought you did a good job on the high notes.
Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.
Catbert: Oh no! Employee job satisfaction is at an all-time low at the same time unemployment is high! Boss: Ha ha! Good one. Now it's my turn to try saying it as if I care! Oh no! Catbert: Ha ha! Fix your lips!
Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?
Dilbert says, "My design plan is obviously too complex for a manager to understand." Dilbert says, "So I highlighted a few areas that are intentionally suboptimal." Dilbert says, "Just point to the highlighted items and demand that I fix them." Dilbert says, "That will give you the illusion of usefulness." Dilbert says, "Pretend this is olden times when bosses knew what their employees did for a living." Dilbert says, "To round out the fantasy, wear this hat made from a dead animal." Dilbert says, "Now manage me like it's the 1800's!" Boss says, "Do you have a smaller hat?" Dilbert says, "Imagine that we're out of candles."
Dilbert says, "The request we got for a quote is vague, and the deadline for our response is tomorrow." Dilbert says, "If I ask for clarity, we'll miss the the deadline. If I don't, our bid will either be below our cost or too high to win." Dilbert says, "Which path of certain failure do you prefer?" The Boss says, "I like the one that makes you work the hardest."