Hired Comic Strips - Page 6

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223 Results for Hired

View 51 - 60 results for hired comic strips. Discover the best "Hired" comics from Dilbert.com.

Too Much Exposition

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Too Much Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dolphin, exposition, hit man, murder for hire, stories, storytelling, ceo, russian dolphin, militray, smartphone, stolen, mansion

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Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

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Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dolphin, exotic pets, hit man, murder, murder for hire, russian military, killed clown, dead bodies, disposal, expert

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CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.

Dogbert The Third Ceo

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Dogbert The Third Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business tactics, ceos, executives, co ceo, third ceo, tiebreaker, fired, disagreement, new guy

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CEO: I hired a co-CEO, but it isn't working because we disagree on everything. We want to hire you as our third CEO so we always have a tiebreaker. Dogbert: I accept. The new guy and I have decided to fire you and split the CEO spot two ways.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags drinking, hiring, personality tests, sales, sales personnel, sociopaths, storytelling skills, morgue, selfie, dead guy, super drunk, hired, sales person, new hire, business

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Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company culture, culture, hiring, incompetence, work culture, good fit, stigma, cultural hires, wishes, rise above

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Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee fringe benefits, google, free bus service, telecommuniting

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Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, engineers, project inherited, weak code, rewrite, great job, hired idiot

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Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work load, complaints, inexperinced, exact opposite, doesn't know much, hired useless man, bad attendence, not perfect, ask questions

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Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership, smart way, leading, acting, twisting, hired idiots

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Boss: You didn't show leadership on your project. Dilbert: Are you saying I didn't do things in a smart way? Boss: Leading is different from acting in the smartest way. Dilbert: So... either I can do things the smart way or I can be a leader like you? Boss: Stop twisting things around! You need to be smart and you need to show leadership! You can't expect your team to do what you want just because it's the smartest path. Dilbert: Remind me which one of us hired those idiots.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, stress, consultant, booze muhkidney, business travel, nightmare, business

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Boss: I hired a consultant from the respected firm Booz Muhkidney. Consultant: My life is a nightmare of business travel, loneliness, and sleep deprivation. I'm only 25 years old! Boss: It's a travel day. He'll calm down after he drinks lunch.