In Sales Comic Strips - Page 6
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Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.
Coworker: Hi, I'm Allen, from Sales. Dilbert: Dilbert. Your handshake feels like a wet sock full of macaroni and cheese. It makes me wish we never met. Coworker: Please let go of my hand. Dilbert: It's moist and squishy.
CEO: We're going to stop pretending our products are always on sale and instead offer low prices all the time. The average person is smart enough to know that our so-called sales prices are our normal prices anyway. Dilbert: Have you ever talked to an average person? Boss: Tell me again why we're raising all of our prices?
Boss: You're supposed to be cold calling sales prospects. Wally: I am. I'm using a video chat site to randomly meet potential customers. This guy is excited to see me, and that's half of the sales job right here.
Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!
Dilbert is shopping. A salesman approaches him and says "Do you mind if I pretend to be helpful while I awkwardly try to upsell you?" Dilbert replies "Nope. Do you mind if I pretend to be listening while I think about other things?" "Cool," says the salesman. Dilbert thinks to himself "I'm glad I don't have your job." The salesman asks him "How old is your refrigerator? Do you like ice?"
Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.
Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?
Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?