Lazy But Funny Comic Strips - Page 6
1000 Results for Lazy But Funny
View 51 - 60 results for lazy but funny comic strips. Discover the best "Lazy But Funny" comics from Dilbert.com.
catbert: members of your staff have complained that you are a white supremacist. boss wearing face mask: but...i'm not. catbert: that's not for you to decide. boss: who gets to decide? catbert: people who want your job. it's not a perfect system.
doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.
alice: i finished the data throughput tests, but the results are not credible because of a problem with the test. boss: does the non-credible data make us look good? alice: yes. boss: our name for that kind of data is "credible."
Dilbert: I analyzed our only two options. One option costs too much, and the other option is impossible. Boss: Let's do the impossible one. Dilbert: Perhaps you can explain your reasoning. Boss: According to you, we will fail either way. But if we fail in a slow and inexpensive way, no one will even notice for months. With any luck, we'll have a corporate reorganization that forever hides our gross incompetence. Dilbert: Have you done this before? Boss: Every six months.
Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late. Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad? Dilbert: That's how the truth works.
Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident. Alice: Why? We already have one of you. Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.
Dilbert: Our factories are back online, but we have no buyers. It turns out that our customer base overlaps with the people who recently poisoned themselves with household disinfectants. Boss: Who could have seen that coming? Dilbert: I won a bet on it.
CEO: Why is everyone so panicked about coronavirus when maybe only 1% who get it will die? Catbert: One percent of the population of Earth would be...77 million dead. CEO: Yes, but the whole world won't get it. Catbert: They will if they listen to you.
dilbert: and by using this system, we will drastically reduce theft. co-worker: that's the dumbest think i have ever heard. no one can stop theft everywhere in the world. dilbert: i said we would reduce it, not eliminate it. and only for our own products. co-worker: so, in other words, it won't work. dilbert: it works to reduce theft. co-worker: but you admit there will be theft. dilbert standing and yelling: what is wrong with you???? co-worker: hey, i'm not the one who is in favor of theft.
Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline. Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape. Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said. Dilbert: I think that's best.