Least Reason To Live Comic Strips - Page 6

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401 Results for Least Reason To Live

View 51 - 60 results for least reason to live comic strips. Discover the best "Least Reason To Live" comics from Dilbert.com.

75 Slides Too Long

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75 Slides Too Long  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #presentation, #length, #brevity, #powerpoint

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Asok: I have 75 slides to discuss in ten minutes. Save your questions to the end. CEO: Sit down and never talk to me again as long as you live. Dilbert: How'd the CEO presentation go? Asok: It was 75 slides too long.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #friendship, #closeness, #favor, #benefit, #debate, #relationships

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Tina: Can you give me a ride to the airport on Saturday? Dilbert: My attorney will answer that question. Dogbert: The evidence will show that you are not the kind of friend who qualifies for airport rides. I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are what is called a "work friend." A background check with your family and acquaintances will show that you are unlikely to ever reciprocate. In short, there is no social or monetary reason for Dilbert to agree to your unreasonable request. Tina: Maybe he just wants to be nice. Dogbert: The evidence would suggest otherwise.

Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall

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Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #living, #home, #bathroom

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Wally: I decided to move into a bathroom stall and live there forever. The pieces all came together when I got this food delivery app. Alice: What about the ambiance? Wally: It must be hard to have high standards.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #reminder, #communication, #logic, #catch-22

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Dilbert: Did you finish the wireframe I asked you to do last week? Man: I didn't hear from you, so I assumed you didn't need it. Dilbert: Lat week I asked you to do it and you said you would. Man: Right, but then I didn't hear from you again until now. Dilbert: There wasn't any reason to contact you because you said you would do it! Man: How was I supposed to know that? I assumed your silence meant you changed your mind. Dilbert; Can you finish it by next week? Man: Sure, if you don't pester me about it every minute.

Add Feature To Legacy System

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Add Feature To Legacy System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #legacy, #development, #change, #obstinacy, #engineers, #stalemate

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Man: Wally, I need you to add a feature to the legacy system while we wait for the new software to go live. Wally: My job is to prevent people such as you from adding features to our legacy system. Man: But it's my job to make you do it. Wally: One of us has a terrible job.

Wally Doesn't Open Email

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Wally Doesn't Open Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aversion, #avoiding, #communication, #email, #evasion, #excuse, #work ethic

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Did you get the file I sent by email? No. If i open email I'll see thirty urgent messages that will ruin my entire day. Can you open it tomorrow? You should try to live in the moment.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

Airport Scanners

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Airport Scanners - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #video, #security camera, #tsa, #air travel

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CEO: I heard you appeared naked on Elbonian television. Dilbert: I did? CEO: The only television show in Elbonia is a live feed from their airport full-body scanners. Dilbert: That can't be true. CEO: One of our subsidiaries built the system. Here's you.

The Virus Afterlife

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The Virus Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #conscience, #morality, #morals, #sentience, #life, #death, #existence, #medical

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Dilbert: I couldn't find any evidence that I have a soul, so I built an artificial one and put it in a drone. When my physical body dies, the drone will upload my memories and personality to the cloud to live forever. Woman: Your soul will be trapped in a server? Dilbert: No, I wrapped it in a virus so I can travel.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypothetical, #worst-case scenario, #pessimism, #nightmare

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Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.