Need To Act Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Need To Act

View 51 - 60 results for need to act comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Act" comics from Dilbert.com.

People Believe Anything

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
People Believe Anything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, business, people, believe, anything, whisper, campaign, rival, management, dumb, covid, pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.

View more books now

Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, racism, fired, employees, white supremacist, apathy, career, punch, witness, denial

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist. boss: but i'm not. ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life. boss: you're firing me just to look good? ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of witnesses.

Five Pages Of Forms

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Five Pages Of Forms - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags salesman, vendor, application, technology, cancel, order, easy, difficult, signature

View Transcript

Transcript

vendor salesman: just fill out these five pages of information, and we're good to go. dilbert: no. cancel the order, and i'll find an easier vendor to work with. vendor salesman: in that case, all i need is your signature. dilbert: that worked? continued...

Tracking Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags body cam, freedom, keystrokes, location, managers & supervisors, phone, report, status, technology, track, video conference, work at home, working

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.

Cooties Contact Tracing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cooties Contact Tracing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 2 weeks, contact, cooties, doctor, doctors' offices, infect, physical, tracing, Women, zero

View Transcript

Transcript

doctor: we need to do contact tracing to determine who else you might have infected with cooties. how may women have you had physical contact with in the past two weeks? dilbert: i'd rather not say. doctor: i'll put you down for zero.

An Empty Offce

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
An Empty Offce - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags freedom, hygiene, office, office workers, telecommute

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The office is a beautiful place when everyone else is working from home. No distractions, private bathroom, and I no longer need to suppress my bodily noises. Brraaaap! Freedom!

Real Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Real Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags decision, office workers, sarcasm, dumb, facts

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We need to make decisions based on real data! Dilbert: Who do you imagine disagrees with that obvious statement? Man: Uh-oh. I just realized I'm dumb and never knew it. Dilbert: I hear it can sneak up on you.

Need Boss To Make Decision

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need Boss To Make Decision - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, boss, decision, engineering, knowledge, marketing, office workers, sarcasm, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.

Emergency Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emergency Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boring, boss, emergency, excuses, office workers, technology, work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.

Bead Of Sweat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bead Of Sweat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health & safety, idea, nervous, office workers, sickness, virus, paranoia, pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What do you think of my idea? Dilbert: To be honest, I didn't hear a word of it. I spent the whole time being worried about that bead of sweat on your forehead. Man: It's warm in here! Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be a thousand yards in that direction.