Need To Act Comic Strips - Page 6
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1000 Results for Need To Act
View 51 - 60 results for need to act comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Act" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 19,
2020
People Believe Anything
Tags argument, business, people, believe, anything, whisper, campaign, rival, management, dumb, covid, pandemic
Transcript
all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Wednesday July 15,
2020
Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist
Tags business, managers & supervisors, racism, fired, employees, white supremacist, apathy, career, punch, witness, denial
Transcript
ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist. boss: but i'm not. ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life. boss: you're firing me just to look good? ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of witnesses.
Monday July 06,
2020
Five Pages Of Forms
Tags salesman, vendor, application, technology, cancel, order, easy, difficult, signature
Transcript
vendor salesman: just fill out these five pages of information, and we're good to go. dilbert: no. cancel the order, and i'll find an easier vendor to work with. vendor salesman: in that case, all i need is your signature. dilbert: that worked? continued...
Sunday July 05,
2020
Tracking Dilbert
Tags body cam, freedom, keystrokes, location, managers & supervisors, phone, report, status, technology, track, video conference, work at home, working
Transcript
dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.
Wednesday July 01,
2020
Cooties Contact Tracing
Tags 2 weeks, contact, cooties, doctor, doctors' offices, infect, physical, tracing, Women, zero
Transcript
doctor: we need to do contact tracing to determine who else you might have infected with cooties. how may women have you had physical contact with in the past two weeks? dilbert: i'd rather not say. doctor: i'll put you down for zero.
Saturday June 20,
2020
An Empty Offce
Tags freedom, hygiene, office, office workers, telecommute
Transcript
Dilbert: The office is a beautiful place when everyone else is working from home. No distractions, private bathroom, and I no longer need to suppress my bodily noises. Brraaaap! Freedom!
Monday June 15,
2020
Real Data
Tags decision, office workers, sarcasm, dumb, facts
Transcript
Man: We need to make decisions based on real data! Dilbert: Who do you imagine disagrees with that obvious statement? Man: Uh-oh. I just realized I'm dumb and never knew it. Dilbert: I hear it can sneak up on you.
Sunday June 14,
2020
Need Boss To Make Decision
Tags argument, boss, decision, engineering, knowledge, marketing, office workers, sarcasm, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.
Saturday June 13,
2020
Emergency Project
Tags boring, boss, emergency, excuses, office workers, technology, work
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.
Wednesday June 03,
2020
Bead Of Sweat
Tags health & safety, idea, nervous, office workers, sickness, virus, paranoia, pandemic
Transcript
Man: What do you think of my idea? Dilbert: To be honest, I didn't hear a word of it. I spent the whole time being worried about that bead of sweat on your forehead. Man: It's warm in here! Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be a thousand yards in that direction.