New Paranoid Employee Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for new paranoid employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Paranoid Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Toxic Employee And Tina

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Toxic Employee And Tina - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #problem

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toxic employee: hi. i'm the new toxic employee. i sense you don't have enough problems, so i came to give you some. tina: ha! i'm too smart to fall for that. toxic employee: that's what i told dilbert, but he smirked.

Toxic Employee

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Toxic Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees

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boss: i hired a toxic employee to keep the rest of you on your toes. if you utter one wrong word, this thing will report you to human resources. dilbert: what gender is it? toxic employee: stop hitting on me.

Employee Engagement Survey

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Employee Engagement Survey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors

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boss: the employee engagement survey results are in. aaand...not a single person answered the survey. looks like we have room to improve. dilbert: have you considered bribery?

Consultant Gets No Help

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Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

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the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

The New Consultant

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The New Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #success

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the new consultant: i'll need the support of every department to make this project a success. boss: i won't get any credit if your project succeeds, and you'll be gone in a month. consultant: can i count on you to not sabotage the project? boss: you're coming off as needy.

Half Are Doing All The Work

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Half Are Doing All The Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #employment, #fire, #work

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boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.

Boss Surgery

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Boss Surgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #brain, #employees, #insults, #surgery

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Asok: There's a new surgery that can turn employees into bosses. Boss: How can surgery turn an employee into a boss? Dr: You won't be needing this.

Layoff Package

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Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #buyout

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dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #business, #office, #raise, #project

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.

Employee Engagement

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Employee Engagement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office, #time, #engagement

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the boss: i'm assigning you to work on our employee engagement initiative. dilbert: does it matter that i think that project sounds like a complete waste of time? the boss: nah.