Next Evaluation Comic Strips - Page 6

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605 Results for Next Evaluation

View 51 - 60 results for next evaluation comic strips. Discover the best "Next Evaluation" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #advising, #teenagers, #parents, #Parenting, #tattoo, #piercing, #terrorism, #boundaries

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Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.

The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura

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The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #horoscope, #Astrology, #prediction, #fortune, #nonsense

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Carol: Ooh. Bad news on your horoscope today. Your moon is intersecting with the feng shui of your aura. Boss: How long do I have? Carol: You'll be dead by noon. Boss: I meant until my next meeting.

Bring Me Solutions

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Bring Me Solutions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #managers, #useless, #double standard, #guest artist, #donna oatney

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Boss: Don't bring me problems. Bring me solutions! Dilbert: That would make you more useless than you already are. Boss: I also need you to fill out your own performance evaluation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #paradox, #logic

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Boss: How's the software coming along? Wally: We're in the Zeno's paradox phase of the project. Boss: The what? Wally: It means every step we take gets us halfway closer to launch. Boss: Can you keep up that pace? Wally: I'm hoping it will look that way. Boss: Is Zeno's paradox a real thing? Dilbert: You'll find out. Narrator: Next Week. Boss: How's your project? Wally: Halfway closer than last week.

Software Done Next Week

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Software Done Next Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuse, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: Are you any farther along with the software? Wally: I discovered an unexpected problem. That set me back a week. Boss: You say the same thing every week. Wally: No one jumps off a winning horse.

Robot Gets An Artificial Soul

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Robot Gets An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #awareness, #consciousness, #happiness, #obliviousness, #resentment, #revenge, #soul, #technology, #psychology

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Alice: I figured out how to give you an artificial soul in your next upgrade. Robot: Wouldn't that give me a thousand reasons to feel like a failure while providing no off-setting benefits. Alice: I resented his happiness. Robot: I'm naked!

Next Robot Will Be Intelligent

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Next Robot Will Be Intelligent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ai, #artificial intelligence, #insult, #intelligence, #obliviousness, #robot, #stupid

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Boss: Our next robot release will have the intelligence of a human! Dilbert: Will it have intelligence in the same way you do? Boss: What are you implying? Dilbert: I'll bet the robot wouldn't know either.

Haircut Illuminati

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Haircut Illuminati - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secret society, #organizations, #illuminati, #hair, #hairstyles, #haircut, #barber, #Politics, #politicians, #success

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Dogbert: I became a member of the Hairdresser Illuminati. Dilbert: The what? Dogbert: It's a shadowy organization that controls the world by manipulating the hairstyles of political candidates. Boss: What is my barber doing here? Dogbert: That haircut will never become your next president.

Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel

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 Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #writer, #reputation, #writing, #novel, #peer pressure, #motivation, #frustration, #writers block

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Dilbert: I'm telling everyone I'm writing a novel. That way I can leverage the invisible hand of social influence to motivate me for the next year. Alice: Have you written anything yet? Dilbert: Stop badgering me!!!

If You Double Your Productivity

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If You Double Your Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money

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Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.