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View 51 - 60 results for products are deadly comic strips. Discover the best "Products Are Deadly" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #finances, #idea, #ridiculous, #asking, #unsure, #corrupt, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We're getting into the financial services game." Dogbert says, "That way all of our products can be imaginary." Man says, "Can you give me reliable investment advice?" Man says, "Yes, as far as I know."

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ridiculous, #waste, #time, #pointing, #useless, #stupidity

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Man says, "Someone borrowed the unit you asked to see, so I'll show you pictures of models you aren't interested in." Man says, "There's one you don't want?And you sure don't want that one?" Dilbert says, "And how does this help?" Man says, "Would you like a CD of products we no longer carry?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee, #graduate, #new, #avoiding, #useless, #business

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Man says, "I just got my MBA, and I'm here to solve all of your problems." Dilbert says, "Our products are junk and we're completely out of capital." Man says, "Have you tried jargon?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #game, #money, #broke, #correcting, #sitting, #business

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Dilbert says, "Welcome to another round of 'If we had money.' I'll go first." Dilbert says, "If we had money, we could design and test new products." Asok says, "We could go to training." Dilbert says, "You forgot to say, 'If we had money'!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #irony, #meeting, #ceo visits, #change focus, #make good prodcuts, #pretending solvency, #hologram, #business

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The CEO visits CEO: We're going to change our focus... from pretending to make good products, to pretending to be solvent. On a related note, I've always been a hologram.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget cut, #health, #bleak, #public, #poorly made prodcuts, #elevant, #organs, #still healthy, #black market

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After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antique thing, #defective prodcuts, #free up funds, #larger volume, #longer test, #sales force, #quality control budget

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The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #credible scientist, #products harm enbviornment, #cats doubt on data, #eat wrong food, #hope you die

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment." "I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data." "Then eat the wrong kinds of foods and hope you die before the earth does. The Boss: "You're making me hungry!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wealthy investor, #list of cutomers, #products to injure, #lawyer, #contract, #list, #legal

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The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."