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View 51 - 60 results for review 80 million lines comic strips. Discover the best "Review 80 Million Lines" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert's Project Is Late

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Dilbert's Project Is Late - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.

If You Double Your Productivity

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If You Double Your Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money

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Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deciding, #lunch, #choosing, #technology, #options, #yelp, #frustration

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How To Eat Lunch. Dilbert: Lunch? Alice: Sure. Where do you want to go? Dilbert: Well, let's see... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: You're slow. Let me check! Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: How about this... No, bad review. Dilbert: How about this... No, they have no tables. [45 Minutes Later] Alice: Show me food! Dilbert: Food! Food! Food! Boss: Time to make some billion-dollar decisions. Dilbert: I'm going feral!

Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates

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Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product design, #product designer, #cruelty, #update, #computer, #reboot, #operating system, #torture, #technology

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Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion

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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

How To Make Money While Adding No Value

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How To Make Money While Adding No Value - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary

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CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?

Board Offers Dogbert Severence Package

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Board Offers Dogbert Severence Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #compensation, #executives, #golden parachute, #greed, #money, #wages

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Dogbert the CEO. Catbert: The board has approved a $100 million golden parachute if you quit now. Dogbert: $100 million?!!! How am I supposed to live on that? You insult me! Catbert: That's a lot of money for doing nothing. Dogbert: Bah! I spend more than that on soft cheese.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blackmail, #morality, #morals, #angel investor, #pantless, #drunk, #photos, #phone camera, #million dollar seed investment, #tie score

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Alice: I met with that angel investor at his house and he answered the door pantsless and drunk. So I snapped a few photos with my phone and secured a million-dollar seed investment. Was that wrong? Dilbert: Let's call it a tie.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #investor, #investors, #pick up lines, #start up idea, #funding, #saturday night drinks, #date

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Alice: An angel investor agreed to meet with me about my start-up idea. Dilbert: You need to be careful because he might be... Alice: We're meeting for drinks at his house on Saturday night. Dilbert: I'm socially inept and even I know that sounds wrong. Alice: He keeps texting to say he can't wait to fund me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad psoture, #body language, #comaplints, #communication style, #contact the dead, #criticism, #fear, #fengshui, #gut feeling, #job review, #psychic, #rationality, #threatening, #whiny babies

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Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.