Track Customers Comic Strips - Page 6

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210 Results for Track Customers

View 51 - 60 results for track customers comic strips. Discover the best "Track Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #cloudwash, #argon, #smart people, #software to cloud

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Boss: I need you to cloudwash our software. Dilbert: Cloudwash? Boss: Move some of its functions onto the internet, but call the internet a cloud. No one will take us seriously unless we're doing something in the cloud. Dilbert: Will people take us seriously if we make technology decisions based on jargon? Boss: We don't care what smart people think. There aren't many of them. We only need to convince our dumb customers. Dumb people believe anything. Dilbert: Do you believe I moved our software to the cloud yesterday? Boss: You did? Dilbert: I'm going to say yes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #fake 50%, #dumb customers, #smart shoppers, #$400 per hour, #freaking genius

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: Your fake 50% sale prices make dumb customers feel like smart shoppers. CEO: Why am I paying you $400 an hour to tell me what I already know? Dogbert: Usually I charge $800 and hour. CEO: Yes! I'm a freakin' genius.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #data werewolves, #elbonian hackers, #entrails, #linkedin, #passwords, #servers, #supernatural beings, #usernames

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Mordac: Elbonian hackers stole a million usernames and passwords from our servers. So I send an army of data werewolves to track down the perpetrators and eat their entrails. Boss: How did you find an army of data werewolves? Mordac: LinkedIn

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #sales personnel, #cold calling, #video chat, #sales job, #computer, #selling on line, #skype, #technology

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Boss: You're supposed to be cold calling sales prospects. Wally: I am. I'm using a video chat site to randomly meet potential customers. This guy is excited to see me, and that's half of the sales job right here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #potential customers, #regular vendor, #worked, #detailed quote

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Wally: I worked every night for a month to come up with a detailed quote for one of our potential customers. Then those weasels used our quote to get a better price from their regular vendor! Dilbert: Did you really do all of that work? Wally: No, but it nets out the same.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dolls, #dummy, #treat customers, #metaphor, #stunned, #employees shicked, #boss demonstrates

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Boss: I'll use this dummy to demonstrate the way our company wants us to treat customers. Dilbert: We think it was meant as a metaphor, but there's no way to be sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #retail business, #sales drop, #retail stores, #self checkout, #dumb customers, #most shoplifted

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Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #disc jockeys, #protest movements, #threatening boycott, #dogcart insulted, #organic substance

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Dilbert: Customers are threatening to boycott us if we continue to advertise on Dogbert's radio show. Dogbert insulted every man, woman, child and organic substance in the known universe. He called the moon something that rhymes with totem. Boss: Modem?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #booth, #brochure, #exhibitions, #exhibitor expenses, #expenses, #huge crowds, #last 11 years, #logo sign, #new customers, #popular booth, #spillover, #steal chair, #trade show, #video of incident, #youtube

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Boss: How did we do at the trade show? Dilbert: We had a huge crowd around our booth the entire time. But it was just the spillover from the popular booth next to us. The only person who asked for our brochure used it to kill a spider. Some guy tried to steal our extra chair and then Alice beat him senseless with our logo sign. A video of the incident is already on YouTube. It cost us $200,000 to be an exhibitor and we gained zero new customers. So it was just like the last eleven years. Boss: I feel good about next year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #charge customers, #free features, #customers, #abusive realtionship, #move in direction, #put up with

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Boss: We've decided to charge customers for features they currently get for free. Dilbert: Um... Have you considered how our customers might react? Boss: Obviously. Wally: I'd like to hear how that reasoning process went. Boss: Fine. Customers love us and they will put up with anything we dish out. Wally: So... It's sort of an abusive relationship? Boss: Not yet, but we're trying to move in that direction.