Wants Everything Emailed Comic Strips - Page 6

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440 Results for Wants Everything Emailed

View 51 - 60 results for wants everything emailed comic strips. Discover the best "Wants Everything Emailed" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack

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Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumors, #accusation, #lying, #obstinacy

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Boss: Why did you move the server rack? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: You must be lying because I heard you did. Dilbert: Isn't it more likely you're wrong? Boss: Considering all the options, I like the one where I'm right about everything and you're a stinkin' liar.

View From Thirty Thousand Feet

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View From Thirty Thousand Feet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distance, #jargon, #managers, #leadership, #buzzwords, #guidance

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Boss: What's the view on this from thirty thousand feet? Alice: From that distance, everything we do is meaningless. Boss: Then how do we know what to do? Alice: I guess we ruled out "leadership."

Boss Wants Private Office

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Boss Wants Private Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #privacy, #open office

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Boss: The employees are complaining because our new open office plan has too many distractions. CEO: You want to go back to cubicles? Boss: No, I just need a private so I can't hear them complaining.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #group project

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Boss: I'd like to thank each member of the product team for the successful launch. Dilbert wrote the software. Alice designed the hardware. And Wally... um... Wally: Attended most of the meetings. Boss: That's all you did? Wally: I also played devil's advocate. Dilbert: You didn't say a word during our meetings for seven months. Wally: That's because you were doing everything right. Boss: Did you really do nothing for seven months? Wally: This is one of those "less is more" situations.

Randy Sees Normals As Livestock

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Randy Sees Normals As Livestock - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #microchip, #technology, #nanotechnology, #ego, #cattle

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Randy: I am one of the first humans to have a microchip embedded in my brain. I'm so smart that you "normals" are like livestock to me now. Dilbert: We can't be that different. Randy: My chip translates everything you say to "moo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #friendship, #closeness, #favor, #benefit, #debate, #relationships

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Tina: Can you give me a ride to the airport on Saturday? Dilbert: My attorney will answer that question. Dogbert: The evidence will show that you are not the kind of friend who qualifies for airport rides. I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are what is called a "work friend." A background check with your family and acquaintances will show that you are unlikely to ever reciprocate. In short, there is no social or monetary reason for Dilbert to agree to your unreasonable request. Tina: Maybe he just wants to be nice. Dogbert: The evidence would suggest otherwise.

Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone

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Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #property, #possession, #technology

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Tina: Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I dropped mine and broke it. Dilbert: No, I don't like other people touching my phone, or breathing on it, or reading my messages. Tina: You have a lot of issues. Dilbert: Said the person who doesn't use protective phone cases because they are ugly.

Tina Wants To Borrow Wally's Phone

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Tina Wants To Borrow Wally's Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #germs, #cleanliness, #bathroom, #technology

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Tina: My phone is broken. Can I use yours to make a call? Wally: Absolutely. If it seems warm, that's because I was using it in the men's room for the past two hours. Tina: I'll ask someone else. Wally: Yup.

Who Wants The Legacy System Job

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Who Wants The Legacy System Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #legacy, #underachiever, #volunteer

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Boss: I'm assigning our best and brightest engineers to the new system integration team. Anyone who is left over gets to be in charge of watching our legacy system slowly rot. Dilbert: Who would want that job? Wally: Me!!! Pick me!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic

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Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.