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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I feel like I'm being judged by everybody I see." Dilbert asks, "Why can't people accept other people as they are, without judging them?" Dogbert holds up a card with the score "7.5" written on it. Dogbert says, "It was a good speech, but it lacked emotion."
Dilbert sits in a chair. Dogbert says, "I've written the entire Encyclopaedia Brittanica on this hair." Dogbert continues, "I'll open a museum and charge people to see it." Dilbert says, "It's kind of hard to prove you wrote all that on a hair." Dogbert points to a hair says, "I'll swear on this Bible."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. The waiter hands Dilbert the check and says, "I've taken the liberty of calculating a twenty-percent tip." The server continues, "It's written on the back next to a picture of a smiling diner . . . A fifteen-percent tip is shown by the picture of a guilty-looking diner." The waiter continues, "Below that is a picture of a diner and his dog with salad forks in their backs . . ."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "One more clever move and I will have written the perfect computer program." Dilbert throws his arms over his head and yells, "Yes!" Dogbert yells, "Spike it in the end zone!" Dilbert throws his computer on the ground and breaks it. Dogbert says, "Another failure of the sports metaphor."
A man behind a counter at the Department of Dogs says to Dogbert, "I'm sorry, but it seems you've failed the written portion of the dog license test." Dogbert replies, "Impossible!" The clerk says, "For example, this question on 'natural enemies': the correct answer is 'mailman.' You wrote in 'fax machine.'" Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How'd it go?" Dogbert replies, "The 'Department of Dogs' does not keep up with emerging trends."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Let's go . . . It's time to renew your dog license." Dilbert and Dogbert enter the Department of Dogs. Dogbert looks at an exam and thinks, "I wonder what happens if I fail the written test?"
Dogbert stands at a desk writing on a piece of paper. Dilbert asks, "What's all the writing for?" Dogbert replies, "It's called 'affirmations.'" Dogbert explains, "The theory is that if you write down your objective fifteen times a day, the objective will be achieved, no matter how unlikely." Dilbert reads the affirmation and says, "But you've written 'Dilbert will be eaten by a garden slug.'" Dogbert replies, "It's all I could think of."
Dilbert sits at his desk writing a poem. Dogbert approaches and asks, "How's that poem coming?" Dilbert says, "Pretty good, but I may have written myself into a corner." Dogbert says, "Let's hear." Dilbert says, "All I have so far is 'Her love was like a wave-division multiplexor.'" Dogbert says, "Maybe just go for the big finish."