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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #company, #headquarters, #plan, #employees, #offer, #deceptively, #retire, #Wally, #alice, #calculate, #cosine

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At company headquarters, someone asks, "Does anybody have a plan for getting rid of the employees?" Another person answers, "Well, they're bad at math; we could offer deceptively small sums of money to people who retire." Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "Hey, this could be good." Wally says, "It's been a long time since I had to calculate the cosine of anything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Wally, #sleeping, #computer, #brain stomring, #irene, #incorigible, #industrialist, #accounting, #nurse, #stern

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Wally leans back in his desk chair sleeping. The Boss says, "Hey, what are you doing? Are you sleeping?" Wally sits up and says, "Uh . . . No, I was brainstorming." The Boss asks, "What idea did you some up with?" Wally answers, "It involves Irene in accounting. She's the stern nurse and I'm the incorrigible industrialist." The Boss says, "I already thought of that one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #Dilbert, #ted, #productivity, #daydreaming, #irene, #accounting, #engineering, #ordinary, #betty, #marketing

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Wally says to Dilbert and Ted, "My productivity is shot. I can't stop daydreaming about Irene in accounting." Ted says, "Do what I did. Try to phase out of it by daydreaming of Laura in engineering, then move to the ordinary-looking Betty in marketing." Wally replies, "Now I'm daydreaming about all three of them." Ted replies, "Same thing happened to me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #organized, #tasks, #priorities, #trouble, #stapler, #oil, #goodness, #Wally

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "There . . . I've organized all of my tasks into 'A,' 'B' and 'C' priorities." Dilbert thinks, "The 'A' priorities aren't even worth doing. And the 'B' priority stuff would probably get me in trouble." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you done with the stapler oil?" Wally holds up a polished stapler and says, "Thank goodness for 'C' priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #Wally, #crack, #writing, #mission statement, #strategic, #business, #initiatives, #empowered, #employees, #team, #paradigms, #marvel, #paid, #donuts

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I took a crack at writing a 'mission statement' for our group." The Boss reads, "We enhance stockholder value through strategic business intiatives by empowered employees working in new team paradigms." Dilbert asks Wally, "Do you ever just marvel at the fact we get paid to do this?" The Boss asks, "Did anybody bring donuts?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #Wally, #ted, #bussiness projects

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "As you know, all projects are assigned acronyms. Unfortunately, all the good ones have been used." The Boss says, "Any new project will have to use an acronym from this short list of somewhat less desirable choices." Dilbert asks, "What should I call my new project?" The Boss replies, "Well, you could use 'PHLEGM' or 'PLACENTA.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #Wally, #patent, #scent

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "My patent application is complete. Soon the other engineers will come sniffing around." Dilbert thinks, "They are attracted by the scent of success. They want their names on my patent." Wally, Alice and Ted peer into Dilbert's cubicle. Alice says to Wally and Ted, "The scent CAN'T be coming from here." Ted says, "We may be getting a false positive from his baloney sandwich." They all sniff the air.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #Dilbert, #the boss, #alice, #ted, #business meeting

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I'm told by a reliable source that our senior vice president made a sound like 'yurp' at lunch." The Boss continues, "What does it mean? Does it signal a new set of priorities? We must demonstrate our commitment to this vision." Dilbert asks, "What was the context of this vision?" The Boss replies, "All we know is he was eating a burrito."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #Wally, #pyschic, #business consulting, #computer

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Dogbert says to the Boss, "I sense death . . ." Dogbert and the Boss stand behind Wally's desk. Dogbert says, "It's coming from here. Yes, he's definitely dead." Dogbert says to the Boss, "You should bury him. He already smells bad." Wally says, "I'll bet this isn't heaven."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #ted, #business project, #business meeting

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with a man from marketing. The man says, "You engineers have done NOTHING on my project. You just keep saying I haven't given you sufficient requirements!" The man throws his arms up in frustration and says, "I don't know what else you need and you won't tell me what you need!! Is this just your way of avoiding work??!" Wally replies, "I'll bet you regret choosing marketing as a career path." Dilbert adds, "It looks like a lot of work."