Billion Dollar Product Line Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for billion dollar product line comic strips. Discover the best "Billion Dollar Product Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #billion, #dollars, #earnings, #projections, #level, #donuts, #meetings

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company is a billion dollars below its earnings projections." The Boss continues with his mouth full, "From now on, only the managers at my level or above may eat donuts at company meetings." The Boss continues, "This won't be easy for any of us. Heck, I don't even know if I can eat this many donuts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #news, #jobs, #billion, #owls, #asteroid, #coincidence, #researchers, #television, #device, #idiots

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The caption says, "Dogbert's good news show." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "Nine out of ten people have jobs . . . Three billion people had a nice day today . . . And the forest has plenty of owls." The caption says, "Regular news show." A news anchor says, "A huge asteroid could destroy earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries." The other reporter yells, "We'll all die!!" The caption says, "Back to Dogbert . . ." Dogbert holds a remote control and says, "In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off of your television screen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #static, #copyright, #fifty billion, #film library, #blow deal, #copyrighted everything

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Dilbert: You can't copyright the static on blank TV channels! Dogbert: "I already did." Dilbert: "You can't let my company pay fifty billion dollars to buy your so-called film library." Dogbert: "I already am." Dilbert: "I may have to blow the whistle on this deal." DOgbert: "It'll have to be a nose whistle - I copyrighted everything else."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired, #outplacement agency, #own cubicle, #photocopies, #food stamps, #dollar bills

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The Boss: "You're fired, Wally. But since we care, we've contracted an outplacement agency to help you." The Boss: "You'll get your own cubicle. And you can make all the photocopies you want!" Wally: "What would I want to photocopy?" The Boss: "Food stamps, dollar bills, that sort of thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #client server, #project, #reasoning, #six minutes, #time line, #world wide operations, #understand

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The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product development process, #buy in, #managers, #happy if dead, #executive oversight, #issues, #blind, #looked at bulb

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The Boss points to a diagram and says, "Problem: our product development process requires buy-in from managers who'd be happier if we all died." As he puts a new transparency on the overhead projector, the Boss says, "My solution is to create executive oversight groups who don't understand the issues and don't have time to meet." Wally and Dilbert watch as the Boss looks into the light and yells, "I'm . . . I'm blind!" Dilbert says, "You looked directly at the bulb again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high income group, #can afford product, #rich, #tasteless, #easily amused, #located a cluster, #dog, #golf course, #animals

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Dilbert and Alice watch as Dogbert points to a diagram and says, "Your target market is the high income group. They're the only ones who can afford your product." Dogbert continues, "More specifically, they must be rich, tasteless and easily amused. I've located a cluster of them to study." Dogbert stands behind a bush on a golf course and watches two golfers. One golfer says, "That dog's watching us golf again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bring strangers in, #test product, #strangers are stupid, #good candy

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The Boss, Dilbert and a man with an eye patch sit at a conference table. The man says, "Sure, we could bring some strangers in to test out product for ease of use . . ." The man continues, "But that could take all afternoon and cost at least a hundred dollars." The man continues, "And all it proves is strangers are stupid." The Boss says, "Sometimes they have good candy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #form a vidion, #concept for requirements, #startman, #mission critical, #functions, #quality vectors, #fine line, #participation, #and mockery

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The Boss sits at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "Maybe we could form a vision statement of our concepts for requirements." Wally says, "Or maybe we can bound our strawman by the mission-critical functions of our quality vector!" As they walk away, Dilbert says to Wally, "You're shameless." Wally responds, "There's a fine line between participation and mockery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quantify contributions, #designing future products, #billion daollars, #track numbers, #boss, #Dilbert

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The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I'm asking everybody to quantify their contributions to revenue. Your pay will depend on it." The Boss continues, "I realize this is hard to quantify because you're designing future products but . . . " Dilbert writes a figure on the paper and says, "Here you go." The Boss reads what Dilbert wrote and says, "A billion dollars? It's as if you cynically believe we can't track these numbers." Dilbert replies, "That crossed my mind."