Call Comic Strips - Page 6
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Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."
Five-Star Hotel The Boss: "I'd like a wake-up call at 6 a.m. and a second one at 6:15." "Then I'd like a team of bellmen to lift the head of the bed while blind maids hold my pants so I can slide into them." "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a manager."
Dilbert sits at the Boss' desk in his office and the Boss says to him, "Fly to Austin and answer some questions for a big customer." Dilbert asks, "Doesn't this customer have a telephone?" The Boss replies in shock as he thrusts his arms out to the side. "You don't call big customers!" Obviously confused, Dilbert aks "Um...why not?" In an exasperated voice, The Boss replies "You have to go in person to show that you care." Still not catching on, Dilbert replies "Actually, that would show that I didn't understand the concept of the telephone.? Now completely disgusted, The Boss replies "Just go." Dilbert is now sitting at a table with Ted who holds a phone in his hand and asks, "Do they have these where you come from?"
Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh
The Boss says, "I have a budget meeting tomorrow with our CFO." The Boss says, "I'll be competing against all of the other departments for precious budget dollars." The Boss says, "This won't be easy because all of the other departments are staffed with professional liars." Dilbert says, "That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?" The Boss says, "What do you call marketing?" Dilbert says, "Okay, I'll give you that one." The Boss says, "Sales?" Dilbert says, "Right, but..." The Boss says, "P.R.?" Dilbert says, "Well, yes..." The Boss says, "Finance?" Dilbert says, "I forgot about that one." The Boss says, "Legal?" Dilbert says, "Wow." The Boss says, "Do the next one yourself." Dilbert says, "How about human resour... you win."
The Boss: "Asok, I need you to fill in at tech support for a few days." "You'll be the guy who asks the customer for information, then transfers the call to another person who asks exactly the same questions." Asok: "Wouldn't that make me a barrier to progress?" " The Boss: Only if the other guy actually helped."
"I need you to accompany me on an important sales call." "Me?" "You're my secret weapon." "Well, okay." "What's your name?" "I'm Ed, from sales." "Only two companies make this type of product. The prices are identical." "The difference is that our engineering staff brings genius and innovation to everything it touches." "Whereas my competitor employs this loser." "Really? I wondered why you didn't look familiar." "Sold!" "You helped make a sale?" "Why does everyone act all surprised?"
Rrring! Alice : Now what? This is alice. Jo its your boss. alice: GAAA! its a car call. he's using me toenetratin himself while he's sitting in traffic Boss: How everything? Alice: I'll lose and hour of my life if I don't get him off the phone, Boss: Nice weather today. Alice: Do me a favor and look in your brief case to see if my latest report is there. The boss: Okay. The boss: and turn down your radio so Ic an hear you...and check your calendar on you pda GAA!!! CRASH! IM going to hell.
SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."
THE CALL CENTER: A worker sits in front of a computer wearing a telephone headset. A woman supervisor says to him, "Carl, reduce your average call time or you're history." Dilbert holds a portable telephone in his hand and presses buttons to dial a number to the sound of "Beep beep beep beep." Carl answers the phone angrily, saying, "What?!" Dilbert says into his telephone, "I have a question about your product." Carl yells into the telephone, "Faster! Faster! Faster!" Dilbert says into his telephone, "Um... It's about the interface." Dilbert hears Carl say, "Great. Thanks." There is the sound "click." Carl's supervisor says to him, "Your average call time is way down. You get a bonus." Carl holds his bonus check and thinks to himself, "Maybe it's a mistake to do this job while I study for the priesthood."