Called Resources Comic Strips - Page 6

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461 Results for Called Resources

View 51 - 60 results for called resources comic strips. Discover the best "Called Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vendor, #integrates, #resources, #optimize, #performance, #technology, #integrated

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Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #cubicle, #grim reeper, #layoffs, #stranger, #business

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Human Resources is sending a designated firer to do layoffs." The Boss turns quickly and waves his hands in an employee's face. The Boss says, "If a stranger approaches your cubicle, it means you're toast!" The employee exclaims, "Gaaa!!!" A hooded weasel with a knife approaches Carol. He says, "Hell-o-o-o, Carol." He pauses and then continues, "Can you tell me where Ted sits?" Carol exclaims, "Gaaa!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #middles part, #forbid, #near work space, #not good people, #1970's called

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Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #created time line, #identified resources, #revise timeline, #re examine, #thousand ways, #haven't done anything

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Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #evil director, #severance package, #spittle, #laugh, #purr, #bad package, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of Human Resources. "What kind of severance package do I get?" "I can't decide if I should laugh or purr, but there's definitely spittle in your future." "This is a bad package." "PURRRR-HA-HA HA-PURRRRR-HA HA-PURRRR!!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resources, #project, #credibility, #contradiction, #ruining credibility

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Dilbert: "And that's why we can't put any more resources on your project." The Boss: "Sure we can." Dilbert: "Gaaaa!!! Why do you keep ruining my credibility?!!!" The Boss: "Good cop, bad cop." Dilbert: "If there is a god, please KILL ME NOW!!!" The Boss: "Gum?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make ted quit, #aggressive replacement, #share resources, #job unbearable, #pants, #in same pants

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The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sexism, #witch coven, #new manager, #face growl, #new dress code, #winged monkey, #called tough

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Zenox: "I'm Zenox, the new manager of this coven... I mean department." "When I am displeased I make this face and growl like the undead." Grrow-eeeahh! "The new dress code is 'winged monkey.'" Dilbert: "If a man acted like you he'd be called tough."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #been excessed, #yoga move, #rageful comments, #hope for a hug, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "Your position has been excessed, or as I prefer to say..." "I will tear the flesh from your bones!" "Phew! I love that yoga move." "There is like, no hope for a hug, right?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #80 hour week, #crazy talk, #less work, #loofah, #evil director, #human resources, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Alice: Im working 80 hours a week. I barely have time to bathe. Catbert: try using your tongue during meetings, Its like a bath and a loofah all in one. Alice: Or I could do less work. Catbert: Thats crazy talk.