Ceos Technology Challenge Comic Strips - Page 6
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Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector. He says, ". . . Therefore, I recommend that we switch to the new technology . . . Any questions?" A man sitting at the conference table asks, "Dilbert, are you willing to bet your career on this?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, I would definitely bet my career." Dilbert continues, "You would too if you had MY career." Dilbert places a transparency on the projector and says, "I have a view graph which anticipated your question." Dilbert points to the diagram and says, "This chart tracks my declining sense of self-worth as my career progresses." Dilbert continues, "At the low-point, here, I'm reduced to answering imbecilic questions while pointing a little stick at the wall." Dilbert arrives at home and Dogbert asks, "How did the presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "There's such a thing as being too prepared."
The Boss stands behind Alice in her cubicle. She sits at a PC. The Boss says, "I've been asked to give a presentation at the trade show." The Boss says, "I'd like you to put that together for me, Alice." Alice asks, "What's your topic?" The Boss replies, "Technology. They didn't say if I'm for it or against it." Alice says, "I'll leave some wiggle room."
Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."
Dilbert sits at a desk with a computer on it. Dogbert sits atop the computer. Dilbert says, "It's my job to integrate the bad technology that our idiot boss bought with the good technology we already own. Your advice?" Dogbert waves his arms in the air, "Throw away the bad technology. Goof off until the next planned upgrade of the good technology. Tell your boss the improvements are a result of his brilliant buying decision." Dilbert says, "Wow. That's almost pure evil." Dogbert says, "You're welcome."
Alice sits at her computer, behind her is Mordac. He says, "I am Mordac the Preventer, your liason from the information technology department." Mordac says, "I come with tales of resource shortages. Your request for our services has been denied." Alice stands up and is much taller than Mordac. She says, "I didn't request any of your services." Mordac replies, "Don't try your reverse psychology on me."
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I hired some contract employees from North Elbonia to help on your project." Dilbert says, "North Elbonia is an evil totalitarian regime. My project will create top secret military technology to use against them." The Boss says, "Sure, but you have to weigh that against the fact that they're willing to work for free."
In a meetin, Dilbert says, "My project has hit a little snag." Dilbert says, "Our North Elbonian contracts stole our military technology for their belligerent homeland. They're building a huge laser to vaporize us." Alice's eyes bulge out. The Boss says, "Next year, remind me to include contract employees in the team-building workshop." Alice says, "The floor is warm!"
Dilbert says, ",,,The North Elbonians stole our military technology. We think they're building a huge laser to use against us." Dogbert says, "Ask Tina the Tech Writer to create a user manual for them. Remind Tina how the North Elbonians treat women." Caption: Later in North Elbonia. The Elbonians line up in front of the barrel of a large laser gun. The guy in front reads "Okay... the timer is set... we're lined up in single file.. now we sing a Helen Reddy song."
Dilbert says to a woman at a desk, "Uh . . . Lisa, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me." Lisa replies, "I can only date you if you survive the 'challenge of fear.'" Dilbert asks, "What is the 'challenge of fear'?" Lisa replies, "It's a test of your manliness." Lisa explains, "First you must stick your head in the drawer as I slam it shut." Lisa continues, "Then I staple you to the employee bulletin board." Lisa continues, "Live weasels are stuffed in your pants." Dilbert looks nervous. Lisa continues, "Finally, you must fling yourself down the elevator shaft!" Dilbert sticks his head in a drawer and says, "Ready." Lisa looks at the reader and says, "The weird thing is that THEY rule the world."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss asks Dilbert, "Did you know that twenty percent of all microfleems are subradiante?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh. The Boss has latched onto some obscure engineering fact." Dilbert thinks, "This is going to be painful." The Boss says, "Just think of the implications. It means eighty percent of microfleems are NOT subradiante." Dilbert crawls under his desk thinking, "Maybe I can hide under the desk until this blows over." The Boss continues, "Don't you think it's fascinating? I mean, what with the implications and all . . ." Dilbert replies, "Okay, okay. I acknowledge your incredible grasp of technology issues." The Boss walks away thinking, "It almost makes me curious what a microfleem is."