Charged Project Comic Strips - Page 6
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688 Results for Charged Project
View 51 - 60 results for charged project comic strips. Discover the best "Charged Project" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 23,
1994
Tags bob the dinosaur, double fee, triple fee, infinity plus one, childish men, hired to beat, tail, project requiremnets
Transcript
Dilbert: I hired Bob the dinosaur to beat you with his tail until you give me the project requirements. MAN: HA! I'll double your fee if you thump Dilbert instead. Dilbert: I 'll triple the fee! Dilbert: He can't really pay you "infinity" plus one. BOB: I wonder how much this is on an hourly basis.
Monday October 17,
1994
Tags client server, project, reasoning, six minutes, time line, world wide operations, understand
Transcript
The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.
Monday November 14,
1994
Tags project, assigned, maintain status quo, everybody likes project, not enough funding
Transcript
The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm assigning you to 'The Project That Wouldn't Die.'" The Boss continues, "Everybody likes this project too much to cancel it, but not enough to fund it properly." Dilbert puts his hands over his eyes and says, "Aaarg!!" The Boss continues, "Now go out there and maintain the status quo!" Dilbert says, "You really shouldn't mix honesty with your motivational speeches."
Wednesday November 16,
1994
Tags project report, thick binder, foot rest, annual performance, appraisel
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Did you see my project report yet? It's in a big thick binder." The Boss replies, "I'm using it as a footrest." Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "You never want to hear the words 'footrest' the day before your annual performance appraisal."
Wednesday December 07,
1994
Tags iso 9000 project, hand picked, manger, project
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a desk and says, "Thank you for coming to the 'ISO 9000' project kick-off meeting." Dilbert continues, "Each of you was hand-picked by your manager for this project because . . ." Dilbert faces a table of strange people and says, "Well . . . never mind why."
Wednesday December 21,
1994
Tags quality award, dishonest parts, project lost budget, assume project failed
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert works on a laptop and says to Dogbert, "I have to submit my project for a 'quality' award. I'll need your help on the dishonest parts." Dilbert continues, "The real story is that the project lost its budget because its acronym was similar to a project that was canceled." Dogbert says, "Assume your project would have failed and claim the savings from avoiding it." Dilbert says, "You're spooky."
Tuesday February 14,
1995
Tags contribution to revenue, project would fail, attributed, same project, equally valuable
Transcript
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another worker sit at a conference table. The Boss holds a document and says, "You should all follow Wally's example of how he quantifies his contribution to revenue." Wally explains, "Basically, I assumed my project would fail without me. Therefore all the revenue it generates can be attributed to me." The other worker asks, "Aren't we all on the same project?" Wally answers, "Yes, but evidently we're not all equally valuable."
Monday February 20,
1995
Tags project cancelled, rumor has it, give raise, come work, transfer, pathological liar, super prowers
Transcript
A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Reliable sources say your project will be canceled, Dilbert." The co-worker continues, "You should abandon it now and come work on MY project. When my big promotion goes through next month, I'll transfer you to my group and give you a raise." Dilbert says, "That's very tempting except for the fact you're a pathological liar." The co-worker waves his hands and says, "Be careful what you say - I have super powers."
Friday March 03,
1995
Tags dna smaple, fatal genetic problems, hurt productivity, project dealine
Transcript
The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.
Saturday July 15,
1995
Tags study options, project zebra, make recommendations
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to study our options for Project 'Zebra' and make a recommendation." Both the Boss and Dilbert think, "Translation: 'Read my mind then recommend the option I've already decided on.'" Dilbert answers, "I'll get right on it!" He thinks, "Translation: 'I am doomed. I will go look for naughty pictures on the Internet instead.'"