Coffee Stand Comic Strips - Page 6
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Wally and Dilbert are wearing casual clothes. Dilbert is dancing and Wally sits at his computer. Wally says, "Now that our Boss is presumed dead, I found I like to work." Dilbert says, "I finished three projects today!" Alice leans into the cubicle and says, "I lost five pounds, gave up coffee, and applied for seven patents!" Dilbert says, "Go, Alice!" Wally says, "Life without management is like paradise!" Tina the Tech Writer walks in and says, "Who wants to spoon-hug?"
Phil, former ruller of Heck, now head of the Analogy Police, says to Dogbert, "Can you help me write a resume?" Dogbert obliges, "Yes, for a large fee." Phil says, "How do I know you're qualified." Dogbert says, "Check my resume." Phil says, "I have a hard time believing you invented coffee." Dogbert rebutts, "Check my patent."
Man comes up to Dilbert and introduces himself, "I'm the Rag Man from Project Luser." Rag Man says, "Budget cuts have hit our project hard. I'm forced to beg for resources." Dilbert holds out something and says, "I can spare some pencil shavings." Rag Man says, "Excellent! We make coffee out of that."
Dogbert sitting on a chair with a crown on his head while Garbage Man holds garbage bag. Dogbert asks, "Why are there no charismatic leaders anymore?" Garbage Man responds, "Cable TV." While placing garbage in dump truck, Garbage Man says, "Scandal is the most economical way to fill news programs. They'll go after you, too." Dogbert says, "I'll need a diversion." Dogbert and Dilbert on couch. Dilbert says, "I don't care if its a great news atory; I will NOT take fertility drugs!" Dogbert says, "They're in your coffee."
Wally looking at a bloated Dilbert. Dilbert says, "My dog put fertility drugs in my coffee." Dilbert continues, "At first I was mad. Then the tabloids offered me a million dollars for my story." Wally inquires, "Have you seen a doctor?" Dilbert replies, "My agent advises against that."
The Boss: "As your leader it's my job to provide a vision." "But frankly, I'm not seeing anything." Wally: "Have another donut. Sometimes the sugar helps." The Boss: "It's working. I'm getting something, but it's fuzzy." Alice: "Quick! Try my coffee!" The boss: "Mmph!" "Oh yeah, there it is. Oh-oh-oh." "It looks like I'll be living in a big house with servants. And you'll all get laid off." Dilbert: "This vision thing is overrated." Wally: "So; do you have a gardener lined up yet?"
Dogbert points to a sign that says, "Dogbert explains leadership." Dogbert points to a man who is wearing an untucked shirt and staring blankly ahead. Dogbert says, "Leaders start their careers as morons." The caption says, "They are drawn to meetings like moths to a porch light. The moron walks toward a conference room. Dogbert points to a diagram of a human body. He says, "The successful moron will have a very high bladder-to-brain ratio." The caption says, "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." Dilbert sits at a conference table with the moron and another man. The moron says, "Let's do it my way!" The other man says, "Okay!" The caption says, "These qualities are perceived as leadership." The moron pours coffee on himself. The Boss tells the moron, "You're promoted!" The caption says, "After several promotions their job tends to match their talents." The moron tells Dilbert, "I award you this award." Dogbert says, "Conclusion: leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."
Dilbert sits on the couch reading a magazine with his feet on the coffee table. Dogbert and Ratbert stand on the table. Dogbert says, "We're going downtown to play 'security guards in space.'" Dilbert says, "I don't want to know." Dogbert and Ratbert walk down the sidewalk pulling a lunch box shaped like a space rocket. Ratbert says, "Let's try that building." The security guard says to Dogbert, "I'll need to see your I.D. badge, sir." Dogbert shows him something and says, "Look fast!! There it is!! Not a pack of matches!!" The security guard says, "Okay." The guard says, "I'll have to search your lunch box." The guard looks inside the rocket and says, "It's just a bunch of wires and gizmos." Dogbert says, "You're making me SO hungry." Dogbert asks, "Could you watch my lunch while I take the cart back to my car?" The guard sits on the rocket. Dogbert tells Ratbert, "I feel bad, but it's the only way to test if space travel is safe for us animals." Ratbert says, "I feel safer already "
Dilbert stands at the security desk. The guard hands a vendor a visitor's badge and says, "Badge." The man thinks, "The clever salesman evaluates his prey." Dilbert pushes the elevator button. The man thinks, "I hope he's an important decision-maker." Dilbert tells the salesperson, "Take any seat. I call the good chair." The man thinks, "Warning! Cubicle! Low-ranking employee!" Dilbert draws a diagram and says, "Here's our organization chart: president . . . senior vice president . . . vice president . . ." Dilbert continues, "Okay, lift your foot. Do you see that coffee stain on the carpet?" The vendor asks, "That's you?" Dilbert replies, "No, that's my boss. I would be under the carpet." The salesman asks, "Do I have any hope of talking to somebody who can make a decision?" Dilbert replies, "Let me check." Dilbert peers over the wall into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hey, Wally, what's a 'decision'?" Wally replies, "It sounds like something our competitors do." The salesman covers his eyes and sobs.
A man walks down the hall thinking, "I am Carl, the cubicle dwellers' friend." Carl thinks, "I travel from cubicle to cubicle to tell people how hard I'm working." Carl stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I am working so-o-o-o hard. Work, work, work. It's all I do." Dilbert asks, "How is that possible?" Dilbert continues, "You walk around all day with that coffee cup resting on your belly." Dilbert asks, "Does your job description say 'transport coffee cup on belly'?" Carl walks away thinking, "He's a terrible conversationalist." Dilbert asks, "How many miles per gallon do you get?" Alice asks Carl, "Hypothetically, if you were downsized, how would the cup get around?" Carl thinks, "What's wrong with these people?"