Decide Raises Approve Expenses Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for decide raises approve expenses comic strips. Discover the best "Decide Raises Approve Expenses" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #good news, #half huge raises, #same people, #ran numbers

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "The good news is that half of you will get huge raises." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that half of you will be downsized tomorrow." Dilbert turns and says, "Is it the same people?" The Boss replies, "Yeah, we ran the numbers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #wants a husbnd, #cooks and cleans, #raises kids, #pursue career, #total turn on, #lemon wedges

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Alice says to Carol, "I want a husband who cooks and cleans and raises the kids while I pursue my career." Alice continues, "To me, that sort of man would be a total turn-on." A man wearing an apron approaches Alice and says, "Yoo-Hoo! Who likes lemon wedges?" A heart floats above Alice's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #approve plan, #software commitee, #soar like eagles, #millions of dollars, #sidetracked, #eagles, #software, #engineering

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Dilbert: "We can either wait three months for the software committee to approve our plan..." Dilbert: "Or we can soar like eagles, and act without approval, saving millions of dollars!" Dilbert: "Please don't be sidetracked by the analogy." The Boss: "Since when do eagles use software?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2004's comic on:


Tags #approval for expenses, #sounds suspious, #heart transplant, #note from surgeon, #illiterate surgeon, #non credible guy

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The non-credible guy "Did you get approval for these expenses?" "What? Oh, yes, I did." "Why does everything you say sound suspicious?" "Because I just had a heart transplant." "I'd like to see a note from your surgeon." "He's illiterate."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #profits improving, #have raise, #giving raises, #profits will plummet, #oppression, #communism

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"Now that our profits are improving, can I have a raise?" "If I start giving people raises, then profits will plummet and we'll be nowhere." "Does your bonus depend on how effectively you oppress me?" "If you don't like it, try communism."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #no annual raises, #ouift, #cafeteria napkins, #colonize mars, #distractions, #guide conversation away

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources The Boss: How do I tell people that there won't be any annual raises?" CAtbert: If someone tries to raise the topic, guide the conversation away." "...And thats why my outfit is made of cafeteria napkins." "Do you think we'll ever colonize Mars?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #new prodcut, #wildly successful, #under water, #allocate expenses

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Dilbert: Our new product is either wildly successful or underwater... DIlbert: depending on ho you want to allocate management over head expenses. Dilbert: Apparently you don't want to think about it and get back to me

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 1999's comic on:


Tags #bans cofee, #cubicles, #distarction, #mess up desks, #alice, #too tsupid, #drink coffee and work, #same time, #ceo, #expenses

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The boss reads from a piece of paper in a meeting. The boss says, "The new policy from our CEO bans coffee from cubicles." The boss says, "Because he says, "It causes a distraction" and can "mess up desks." Dilbert says, "How did..." Alice says, "Hold it Dilbert." Wally says, "It's Alice's turn." Alice says, "You get the next easy one." Wally says, "Make us proud." Alice says, "Ahem, ahem" Alice says, "How did he become ceo..." Alice stands and says, "...if he's too stupid to drink coffee and work at the same time?" The boss says, "Our CEO also discussed unnecessary expenses." Wally says, to Dilbert, "Lucky!" Dilbert says, "Ahem."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #raises, #salary band, #205 higher, #raises capped, #supervisor

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The Boss: "I'd like to promote you, but the lowest salary band for the next level is 20% higher than your current pay." "Raises are capped at 5%, so there's no way to give you the promotion." "So I plan to hire someone from the outside that you can train to be your supervisor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."