Doing Hood Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for doing hood comic strips. Discover the best "Doing Hood" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #executive program, #relocate, #vindictive, #stress, #loser, #turn down opportunity, #train, #discomfort, #underlings

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Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #budget, #contract employees, #training budget, #training, #contractor budget

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Boss: Out budget for contact employees was eliminated. We'll have to pay you out of the training budget. So instead of doing the job yourself... you'll have to train Dilbert to do the job we're paying you to do. Dilbert: Why don't you just move some of the training budget to the contractor budget? Boss: If we reduce the training budget this year, we'll get less next year. Dilbert: So... you prefer paying two people to do the job of one? Boss: Right. Consultant: How do you stay in business? Boss: Our customers are even dumber than us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #machinery, #build robots, #wait a week, #forgets

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CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #promote, #from within, #downside, #smaller pool, #candidates, #competitors, #ruination

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Boss: I like to promote from within. The only downside is that picking from a smaller pool of candidates will make us less capable than our competitors and lead the company to ruination. Do you want that? Dilbert: I see what you're doing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job description, #mindless zombie, #team work, #wate time, #tasks, #waste time, #never shows intitaive

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Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goals, #nailing them, #unspoken objectives, #goals never mentioned

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Boss: How are you doing in your unspoken objectives? Dilbert: My what? Boss: I'm referring to the goals I have in my mind that I've never mentioned. How are those going? Dilbert: I'm totally nailing them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #office workers, #uncomfortable, #enjoy working, #my job, #suffer, #boss, #unhappy, #psychology

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Boss: It make me uncomfortable when they appear to enjoy working. It feels like I'm not doing my job. Suffer! Same planet, different reality.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #perpetual motion club, #hand, #secret, #handshake

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Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your first meeting with the 'Perpetual Motion Club?'" Dilbert replies, "Great! I learned the secret handshake tonight." Dilbert sticks his hand out and says, "You stick your hand out and spin it around like this." Dogbert asks, "Then what?" Dilbert replies, "Then you just keep on doing it forever." Dogbert says, "That explains why you keep it secret."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #talking, #world hunger, #policies, #bumper sticker, #debate

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I've decided it's time to stop talking about world hunger and start DOING something!" Dilbert continues, "Let others debate policies. My time to act is now." Dogbert asks, "You're going to buy a smarmy bumper sticker, aren't you?" Dilbert replies, "Darn straight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #Dilbert, #ego, #starving, #feed

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Dilbert: Yikes! What are you?! Ego: Do not panic. I am your ego. My ego??...shouldn't you be inside me someplace? Ego: Well, yes, normally we egos feed within the body. Dilbert: So what the heck are you doing out here? Ego: You're starving me, man. I'm going to try out for a play or something.