Efficiency Experts Comic Strips - Page 6
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92 Results for Efficiency Experts
View 51 - 60 results for efficiency experts comic strips. Discover the best "Efficiency Experts" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday June 13,
2005
Tags evil director, office efficency, celebrated, done forevre, feel special
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources In order to improve office efficiency, all birthdays will be celebrated on the same day." "Do you mean one clebration per year, or just once and then we're done forever?" "Just once." "Well, at least I'll feel special once. What day is the celebration?" "Yesterday."
Tuesday September 25,
2012
Tags boredom, secretaries (office), mindless and repetetive, task, spur creativity, creative person, dispose of body, snide, snarky
Transcript
Boss: Experts say that doing mindless and repetitive tasks is a good way to spur creativity. That means you must be the most creative person in the office. Did you come up with any ideas? Carol: Yup. So far, I've come up with over seven hundred ways to dispose of your body.
Saturday February 16,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, values, don't run with scissors, ask for raises, employee values, business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.
Saturday July 03,
2010
Tags pension fun, rat, dartboard, garfield posters
Transcript
The Boss says, "Studies show that a rat with a dartboard can manage your pension fund as well as experts." Ratbert says, "I invested your entire pension fund in Garfield posters." Ratbert says, "I'm bad at darts."
Tuesday April 21,
2009
Tags newspaper, economy, hardship, sacrifice, Entertainment
Transcript
Elbonian says, "The big countries are having economic problems. Experts say it will soon affect Elbonia." Elbonian says, "We'll need to cut back on some of our luxury expenses." Elbonia says, "You can stop practicing your fetching," Pig says, "Should I ask why?"
Tuesday May 26,
2009
Tags excuses, lying down, table, reading, agenda, sleeping, lazy
Transcript
Wally says, "Agenda items four through seven don't involve me." Wally says, "I'll use that time to take a refreshing table nap. Experts say it's good for productivity." The boss says, "I need to talk to those experts." Zzzzzzz
Wednesday November 25,
2009
Tags sitting, meeting, idea, ridicule, contradiction, misunderstood, stupidity, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "We need more of what the management experts call 'Employee engagement.'" The boss says, "I don't know the details, but it has something to do with you idiots working harder for the same pay." Dilbert says, "Is anything different on your end?" The boss says, "I think I'm supposed to be happier."
Sunday October 14,
2007
Tags write code, faster, high level of effciciency, recognized, rewarded, works for you, finish all projects, one hour
Transcript
Asok: I found a clever way to write my application code in one hour! "Normally this sort of thing would take weeks." "I assume my high level of efficiency will be recognized and rewarded." Alice: "Let me know how that works out for you." The Boss: "You did all of that in one hour?" Asok: "Yes. I did." The Boss: "From now on. I expect you to finish all of your projects in one hours." "Otherwise I'll assume you're ripping off the company." Asok: "You could have warned me." Alice: "That's not how experience works."
Saturday September 15,
2007
Tags vp of marketing, spray paint the oadkill, dishonesty, isn't mortal, won't work
Transcript
Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "It's my job to spraypaint the roadkill." "I'll use a process the experts call 'dishonesty'." "My motto is 'if it isn't immoral, it probably won't work'."
Sunday December 02,
2001
Tags layoffs, cruel to fire friday, employee appreciation day, employee of the month, evil catbert
Transcript
Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss asks, "When should we do the layoffs?" Catbert responds, "Experts say that Friday is the cruelest day of the week to fire people." Catbert continues, "So let's do it Friday." The Boss responds, "Friday is our Employee Appreciation Day." Catbert gasps, "Ah-Ah Ah-Wooo!!!" The Boss is alarmed. He asks, "What was that?" Catbert responds, "You don't want to know." The Boss hands an award to an employee and says, "Congratulations on being named Employee of the Month." The Boss continues, "Now.. you know how some months are shorter than others?" Catbert gasps, "Ah-ah wooo!!"

