Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert says to Wally, "Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough to enhance stockholder value." Dilbert asks, "Do you ever feel that way?" Wally pours the entire coffee pot into his mouth: "Glug Glug Glug." Wally hands Dilbert the empty coffee pot. Dilbert says, "I'll take that as a No."
Wally hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "As requested, I pulled together some inspirational quotes for our lobby wall." The Boss reads the list and says, "Hannibal Lector... The Donner Party... Uh.. Wally, most of these people are cannibals." Wally puts his hand on his stomach and says, "It was probably a mistake to do this assignment on an empty stomach."
Dilbert: "We only have two people on the third floor. Let's move them to our empty cubes here and sublet the space."
The Boss: "Write a business case with all the risks and business drivers and I'll consider it."
Dilbert: "I changed my mind. We shouldn't so anything."
The boss: "I need a business case for that, too."
Product designer
Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success.
Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals.
Who ate all the crayons again?!
Ratbert: Intruders?
The boss: Okay, I convinced my company to make you our single source vendor.
I assume you'll be make me a job offer now. any vp title will be fine.
I'll just take an empty office.
There ...is...a...waiting period!!
Dilbert: "My boss wants me to invent nano-technology stem cells because it sounds good."
DOgbert: "Try pointing to your empty hand and saying, 'you can't see them but they're almost done!'"
"Then trick him into giving you a high-five and yell, 'you crushed them! Aaag!!!'"
"Alice, interview the guy in our conference room and see what he can do for us." "I'm going to bonk your head on the table. If it sounds empty, you'll work in marketing." "How did it go?" "I bonked too hard. We just got a new sales guy."
"We have a squatter problem." "We must make our empty cubicles appear occupied or else we'll lose them to other departments." "When we're done hosing our own company, can we start hosing the competition?" "Our customers are next."
Elbonian: Is this Dogbert's International Bank for Bailing Out Countries That Are Bad at Math? Dogbert: Yes. Elbonian: Our treasury is empty and we're not sure why. The entire country is becoming sort of feral. Dogbert: How much money do you need? Elbonian: No more than $85.
Tina: What did you do for New Year's Day?
Dilbert: I forgot it was a holiday and came to work for ten hours." Tina: That's sort of loserish.
Dilbert: Thanks for labeling it.
