Search Results for "failed to motivate"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2014's comic on:

Tags #blame, #deadlines, #originality, #partnership, #project milestones, #toxic moron, #incapable, #original thought, #same

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Boss: You two have failed to meet your project milestones. Dilbert: That's because you paired me with a toxic moron who is incapable of having an original thought. Coworker: That happened to me, too.

Rewarding Wally's Failures

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Rewarding Wally's Failures - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2015's comic on:

Tags #failure, #excuse, #laziness, #justification, #reasoning, #excuses

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Wally: You should be celebrating my failures instead of punishing me for them. Failure is the raw material of success. If I am not failing, it means I am not pushing myself hard enough. Boss: Fine. What have you failed at? Wally: I failed to work on my project this month.

Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel

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Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2015's comic on:

Tags #writer, #reputation, #writing, #novel, #peer pressure, #motivation, #frustration, #writers block

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Dilbert: I'm telling everyone I'm writing a novel. That way I can leverage the invisible hand of social influence to motivate me for the next year. Alice: Have you written anything yet? Dilbert: Stop badgering me!!!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2015's comic on:

Tags #managers & supervisors, #credit, #motivation, #obliviousness, #hiring, #logic, #business

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Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?

Women Communicate Better

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Women Communicate Better - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2015's comic on:

Tags #gender, #listening, #talking, #conversation, #communication, #roles

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Alice: your project failed because there were no women on the team. Women have better communication skills. Every study shows that. Are you listening? Dilbert: Outwardly, yes.

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The Problem Is People

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The Problem Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2015's comic on:

Tags #failure, #human factor, #human error, #people, #misanthrope, #misanthropic, #teamwork

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Dilbert: I finished the post-mortem on our failed project. Boss: What was the problem. Dilbert: People. Boss: The wrong ones? Dilbert: Don't overthink it.

That's Motivation Not Stalking

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That's Motivation Not Stalking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2016's comic on:

Tags #compliment, #managers, #jargon, #sincerity, #insincere, #motivation, #motivate, #annoyance, #frustration

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Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.

Ted's Unicorn Startup

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Ted's Unicorn Startup - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2016's comic on:

Tags #success, #failure, #gloating, #start-up

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Dilbert: Too bad your overhauled unicorn start-up failed, Ted. Last week you were a billionaire, and today you're doing a two-hour commute to work in a box. Ted: What can I do to make this stop? Dilbert: Earn a billion dollars.

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2016's comic on:

Tags #managers, #tasks, #presentation, #expectation, #unrealistic, #obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Your Idea Has Been Tried

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Your Idea Has Been Tried - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2016's comic on:

Tags #failure, #trying, #trial and error, #criticism

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Boss: Ideas like yours have been tried in the past and always failed! Dilbert: Have you ever been on an airplane? Those didn't work on the first few tries either. And then we have the entire history of science. Boss: Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.