Fake Buy In Comic Strips - Page 6

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322 Results for Fake Buy In

View 51 - 60 results for fake buy in comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Buy In" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2001's comic on:


Tags #stock market expert, #buy stock, #sell house, #track record, #one week chart, #buy buy

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Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2002's comic on:


Tags #dilbert sales guy, #Card, #no correct info, #new ones, #costs money, #clout, #company, #buy something, #business

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Headline: Dilbert the Sales Guy. Dilbert hands a customer his card and says, "Here's my card. None of this information is correct." The customer asks, "Why don't you get new ones?" Dilbert responds, "That costs money." The customer adds, "You must have a lot of clout in your company." Dilbert responds, "Shut up and buy something."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #chapter 11, #profits are fake, #sold all stock, #diversifying investments, #bankruptcy, #files for bankruptcy

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The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Ha ha! We're filing for chapter 11 because all of our so-called profits are fake." The Boss continues, "I'm laughing because I sold all of my stock the same day I heard that our CFO did." Alice shuts her eyes and clenches her teeth in anger. Alice stands up and yells, " You said he was just diversifying his investments!" The Boss responds, " It sounds funny now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2002's comic on:


Tags #customers into sheep, #device, #buy whatever, #free wool, #marketing dept

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Dilbert is meeting with a coworker. The coworker says, "The marketing department wants you to build a device that turns customers into sheep." Dilbert asks, "Why? So they'll buy whatever we tell them to buy?" The coworker responds, "To be honest, we haven't given it much thought beyond free wool."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #buy influence, #vote, #Politics

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Headline: P.R. for Elbonia. Dogbert is meeting with two Elbonians. Dogbert says, "You need to buy influence in Washington." Dogbert continues, "It sounds expensive, but it's a lot more affordable than you'd think." An Elbonian stands outside of a building in Washington D.C. He stops a politician and asks, "Gum?" The politician responds, "You got my vote!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #audio lessons, #hundred million, #showing up, #performing ceo, #be the person, #buy audio lessons

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Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #can't buy happiness, #expensive possessions, #pople envious, #tarde happiness for money, #whacked

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Dogbert: "Bob, remember that money can't buy happiness." Bob: "But it can buy expensive possessions that make other people envious, and that feels just as good." Dogbert: "And you can pay to have people whacked." Bob: "Can I trade my happiness for some money?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #move offcie, #near ceo home, #hug expense, #eat mud and die, #stock options, #buy hummer

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The Boss: "Our company is relocating to be nearer to our CEO's home." "When asked about the justification for the huge expense, our CO quipped, 'HA HA HA! Eat mud and die!'" "Then he gave himself some stock options and went to buy a Hummer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2004's comic on:


Tags #customers, #buy prodcut, #credibilty, #buying services, #dont talk

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"Dogberts Consults." Dogbert: "Never listen to your customers." "They were dumb enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility." "That reminds me: thanks for buying my services. Don't talk. Shhh." The boss: "Ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2004's comic on:


Tags #sycophant school, #agree with superiors, #make statements, #fake smiles, #paid 400x more, #look at faces, #rude, #teaching, #aggressive, #education

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SYCOPHANT SCHOOL "You must learn to agree with your superiors no matter what they say." "For practice, I'll make statements and you agree. Remember to use your fake smiles." "Statement one: I should be paid 400 times more than you because I have to look at your faces."