False Hope Business Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for false hope business comic strips. Discover the best "False Hope Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #reengineer, #business processes, #jump on band wagon

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The Boss: I just read this great book about how to 'reengineer' our business processes. everybody's doing it. We'd better jump under the bandwagon before the train leaves the station! Im putting you in charge. The Boss: If you need any management support you know where to go,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #reengineering, #questioning employees, #get fired, #objective data, #business process, #flying monkeys, #finished design

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The boss: engineering is simple. you start by questioning the employees who would get fired if you succeeded. The Boss: Then you use data to design a more efficient business process. Dilbert: So...you say you use flying monkeys to deliver the finished design? Men: They're very fast.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #preliminary recommendation, #radically reengineered, #business process, #coughed skull, #business

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Dilbert: Here's our preliminary recommendation for radically reengineering our business processes. AAAGH! COUGH SPOINT! Dilbert: He coughed up his skull. Dogbert: I bet that smarts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #consulting company, #new course, #business, #extra brains, #liver, #ratbert

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Dogbert: The Dogbert Consulting Company will plot a new course for your business. My consultants are so smart that their brains don't fit in their heads, They have to start the extra brains to their torsos. Ratbert: why do I need a piece of liver strapped to my torso? Dogbert: I got a little carried away at the pitch meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consultant, #analytical mind, #business consultant, #socially dysfunctional, #brought in, #consulatant

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Ratbert the Consultant Dogbert: It takes more than a brilliant analytical mind to be a business consultant, You also need to be arrogant and socially dysfunctional, Ratbert: Does anybody know what a consultant was brought in to do your thinking? anybody? anbbody?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #carpal tunnel, #health care, #money, #surgery, #constant agony, #false alarm, #medical

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Employee: So now I have carpal tunnel syndrome... The Boss: ZZZZ Employee: you don't care about the health of your employees! All you care about is money!! The Boss: money? Employee: I need surgery! Im in constant again!! The boss: False alarm. zzz

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #consulting comany, #executive compensation, #ninety percent, #overpaid, #repeat business

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Dogbert: the dogcart consulting company has reviewed the executive compensation plan as you requested. My conclusion is that you're already hideously overpaid, Im recommending ninety percent pay cuts and a whack in th head for each of you. I"ll bet you don't get much repeat business. Dogbert: Oh yeah, as if Id want to spend more time with you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #benefits, #define reality, #half the cost, #keep objectives, #rewrite business case, #cut funding

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The Boss: I decided to cut your project funding in half but keep the objectives the same. Its a brilliant plan, We get all the benefits at half the costs! Dilbert: Why is it that the nuttiest people define reality? The boss: and why couldn't I rewrite the business case to increase revenue?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #sales, #two years, #sudden surge, #business case apporved, #get promoted, #accountability, #business

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Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #new finance guy, #hate automatically, #justify photocopy, #business case, #make copies, #pinch pennies, #natural

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The Boss: Ray's our new finance guy. He's got a face that makes you hate him automatically. Dilbert: You're right, Im already heating I'm. The Boss: wait until he opens his mouth! Ray: From now on I want a business case to justify all of your photocopying. The Boss: is he a natural or what?!!