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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #class action law suit, #due diligence, #good employees, #merger, #projects are doomed, #secrets, #worth something

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The caption says, "'Due diligence' before the merger." Alice sits at a table with a man who says, "You must reveal your secrets so my company knows what it's buying." Alice points to some documents in a binder and says, "All of our projects are doomed. Most of the good employees left. Our customers are starting a class action suit . . ." The man says, "At least the building is worth something." Alice points to her throat and says, "If you feel a tickle, that's asbestos."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil, #hr dircetor, #hire programmer, #project team, #first seek candidates, #nine qualified, #sock puppet, #policies, #designed, #sole purpose, #saditic tendencies

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Alice says to Catbert, "I need to hire a programmer for my project team." Catbert says, "Our policy is to first seek candidates from within the company. If none is qualified, you must use a sock puppet." Alice asks, "How many of your policies are designed for the sole purpose of satisfying your sadistic tendencies?" Catbert replies, "All of them. Some are just more obvious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #first cigarette ever, #smoking breaks, #entitled, #3x a day, #smoking, #chatting, #fresh air, #color coded end

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Wally approaches a man and a woman who are smoking. He says, "Here's my first cigarette ever. I'm looking forward to the many smoking breaks I'm entitled to." Wally says, "I'll probably see you three times a day, just smoking and chatting and enjoying the fresh air!" Wally says, "I assume you light the color-coded end, right?" The man and woman drop their cigarettes and say, "I quit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #yelling, #boss, #diagree, #oor interpersonal skills, #class, #improve them, #snarky remarks, #Dilbert, #boss projects

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The Boss sits at his desk and tells Dilbert, "Whenever we disagree, I always end up yelling." The Boss continues, "That's an indication that you have poor interpersonal skills. I'm sending you to a class to improve them." Dilbert says, "It looks like you've gained weight. Would it help if I started jogging?" The Boss replies, "This is exactly what I'm talking about."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #corporate trainer, #class, #sharing segment, #grim downsizer

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Ratbert stands on a chair and says, "Let's go around the room and say who we are and what we hope to get out of the class." The Grim Reaper, Wally, a man and a woman sit at a conference table. The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. I'm here to decruit the entire training department plus all of the people who have time to attend classes." Wally says, "My name is Dilbert. I'm here in place of Wally who is working hard to build a better tomorrow." The man next to Wally says, "I'm somebody else too." The Grim Reaper says, "Nice try."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #tina, #tech writer, #first draft, #boring, #presence of genius

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The Boss hands Tina the Tech Writer a document and says, "Your first draft was boring, so I added a bunch of exclamation points." Tina reads the document and says, "Wow! Those exclamation points make this technical document come alive!" The Boss thinks, "This might be that sarcasm thing I keep hearing about." Tina hugs the document and cries, "I'm in the presence of genius! I beg you to father my children!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1997's comic on:


Tags #budget cuts, #do more with less, #first staff meeting, #less planning, #unnecessary work

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Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "As you requested, I have learned to 'do more with less.'" Wally continues, "I'm doing more unnecessary work, with less planning, less intelligence, and less guilt." The Boss says, "I hate the first staff meeting after budget cuts." Wally adds, "And less career aspiration, too!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #invented first web browser, #garbage man, #flashback, #computer, #waiting fro nothing, #out of hand, #blame on college kid, #technology

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert is wearing a sweatshirt. Dilbert asks, "Are you telling me that YOU invented the first Web browser?" Dogbert replies, "Not alone. I worked with our garbage man." The caption says, "Flashback." Dogbert sits on a garbage can and tells the garbage man, "I wonder how long people would sit in front of a computer waiting for nothing." The garbage man replies, "Let's find out!" They sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What if this thing gets out of hand?" Dogbert replies, "We'll blame it on some drunken college kid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #flashback, #first web browser, #prank, #people waiting aorund, #nothing happening

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The caption says, "Flashback to the invention of the first Web browser." Dogbert and the garbage man sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What should we call our prank, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Well, it's designed to make millions of people sit around waiting for nothing to happen . . ." The caption says, "A few years later." A skeleton sits at a computer with a spider web attached to him and the monitor. The man says, "Hey, I can almost see a recognizable blotch! This is awesome!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #agenda, #ubr, #first job, #crash dummies, #spent a fortune, #unfocused boss rambling

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Dilbert passes out paper to The Boss and Wally. The boss has a pencil and Wally has a coffee mug. Dilbert says, "Here's the agenda. The first hour will be U.B.R., as usual." The Boss sits at the conference table with Wally and Alice. He says, "This reminds me of my first job, before crash test dummies were popular. man, I spent a fortune on aspirin." Alice asks Dilbert, who has his feet up on the table, "What exactly is U.B.R.?" Dilbert answers, 'Unfocused Boss Rambling. Only 58 minutes to go."