Goals Never Mentioned Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

683 Results for Goals Never Mentioned

View 51 - 60 results for goals never mentioned comic strips. Discover the best "Goals Never Mentioned" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new thoughts, #head heavier, #compensate, #meeting, #no goals, #be on stamp, #future golas, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Wally says, "I think my head is getting heavier from all the new thoughts." Wally continues, "I plan to compensate by propping it up with my arm during meetings." Dilbert says, "Some people think you have no goals." Wally responds, "Long term, I hope to be on a stamp."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lead odg, #view never changes, #look at face, #imlying, #insightful analogy

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Remember, if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." Carol: "I'm not the lead dog, and I have to look at your face all day. The Boss: "What are you implying?" Carol: "I was admiring your insightful analogy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consulting firm, #fixing business strategies, #own industry, #doing bad, #never mention

View Transcript

Transcript

Consultant: My consulting firm specializes in fixing business strategies. Dilbert: Have you ever figured out why your own industry is in the toilet? Consultant: I'll give you a thousand dollars never to mention that again.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

View Transcript

Transcript

"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take risks, #employees afraid, #train them, #stitch goals, #punishing for failure, #raise morale, #stopped complaints

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: "According to this report, our employees are afraid to take risks." The Boss: "We can train them to take risks by giving them stretch goals and punishing them for failing!" Catbert: "We did that to raise morale." The Boss: "It stopped all the complaining, didn't it?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prima donna, #never produced anything, #except arrogance, #noise, #ta-da, #case closed, #stand behind, #end sentences

View Transcript

Transcript

"Asok, I want you to work for the prima donna. Do what ever he tells you." "May I point out that he has never produced anything except arrogance and noise?" "You will stand behind me, and when I end a sentence, you will either say, 'Ta-da' or 'case closed.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #explain the issue, #never comprehend, #conflicts, #never understand

View Transcript

Transcript

"I know I keep asking you this but could you explain the issue again?" "Well, something that you could never comprehend conflicts with something that you'd never understand." "Oh."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hating software, #integration project, #hate it, #simply mentioned, #pros and cons, #balanced anaysis, #hatred

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: What's this I hear about you hating the software integration project? Dilbert: "I don't hate it. I simply mentioned both the pros and cons. People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred." The Boss: "How can you hate it so much???!!" Dilbert: "This is one of those days when it's hard to be me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vendor, #can't deliver parts, #promised parts, #better job, #never buy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our vendors rep says they can't deliver the parts for three months. The Boss: that just means he promised the parts to some other customer who did a better job of threatening him. Dilbert: How about if I say we'll never buy from you gain? vendor: Id say you're not exactly buying form us now.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #overall startegy, #never ask questiom, #hear the answer

View Transcript

Transcript

How does my project fit into our company's overall strategy? "Beats me. I didn't even know we had a strategy." "Never ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer." "That's why I never say 'How are you?'"