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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #gratitude, #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #great leadership, #project, #useful things, #good work, #greedy, #business

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Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #great leader, #hires good people, #no budget, #micromanaging, #half wits, #afford, #business

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Boss: A great leader hires good people and gives them the freedom to do their jobs. But I don't have the budget to hire good people, so I settle for micromanaging the half-wits I can afford. Catbert: Your boss was just in here saying the same thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #poor mangement, #missed gaols, #360 review, #doing great, #menat to say, #back pedal

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Boss: You missed all of your goals. Dilbert: Because of poor management. I'll go into more detail when I do my 360-degree review of you. Boss: I meant to say you're doing great. Dilbert: That's what I meant to say too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #engineers, #project inherited, #weak code, #rewrite, #great job, #hired idiot

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Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #great team, #great results, #inexperienced intern, #useless guy, #corpse, #exoskeleton, #conflicts with plan

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Dilbert: Experts say you need a great team to get great results. We're going to prove them wrong because our team is an inexperienced intern, a useless guy, a corps in an exoskeleton and me. Wally: That conflicts with my plan to prove the experts right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #good leader, #willing, #disliked, #great leader, #litening, #expectations, #very unliked

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CEO: A good leader has to be willing to be disliked. Dilbert: You must be a great leader. CEO: What do you mean by that? Dilbert: Sorry. I didn't expect you to be listening to me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #analogies, #creativity, #haters, #ideas, #trapped ideas, #attract haters, #zombies to fish syicks, #analogy, #great ideas

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Dilbert: My best ideas are trapped in my head. Whenever I voice my ideas, I attract haters like zombies to fish sticks. Wally: IS that analogy one of your great ideas? Dilbert: I don't like the way you asked that.

Success Diminishes Other Guy

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Success Diminishes Other Guy   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #diminshed, #support, #stab me, #great deas, #discussion, #argument

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Ted: Your idea is great, but I plan to oppose it because I feel diminished by the success of others. Dilbert: Maybe you could support it now and then stab me in the back later. Ted: That's two great ideas you've had today. Dilbert: thank you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #brain overload, #detailed answer, #broken, #decison, #nodding, #sensing opportunity, #business

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Alice says, "Now you've done it. He has brain overload from your unnecessarily detailed answer." Alice says, "Great. He's totally broken and we need a decision today." Dilbert says, "Is he nodding yes?" Alice says, "I'm sensing an opportunity here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #envy, #useful member of society, #admiration, #respect, #peers, #talked out of

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Wally: I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society. Then I could enjoy the admiration and respect of my peers. Dilbert: The way you respect and admire me? Wally: Great! Now you've talked me out of it!