Hand Off Requirements Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

859 Results for Hand Off Requirements

View 51 - 60 results for hand off requirements comic strips. Discover the best "Hand Off Requirements" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #dierctor, #eliminate sick days, #evil human resources, #too much time off, #use vacation days, #demons of darkness

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands on the desk and thinks, "The employees have too much time off. It must be stopped." Catbert waves his arms and shouts, "I summon the demons of Darkness to assist me!!!" Catbert sits on the monitor while Phil, the demon of Heck, says, ". . . Eliminate sick days. Make them use vacation days when they're ill. Call it a 'time bank.'" Catbert says, "It's playful . . . It's cruel . . . I like it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #gather requirements, #designing child care, #sewing garments, #windowless room, #illegal aliens, #discounts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Alice sit at a table. Dogbert says, "Alice, I need to gather some requirements before designing the company child care facility." Dogbert continues, "Do you mind if your children spend the day sewing garments in a windowless room full of illegal aliens?" Alice replies, "I mind." Dogbert responds, "I'll put you down as a maybe." Alice asks, "Would I get discounts on those garments?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #various problems, #complied problems, #requirements, #thoughtful broken

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Liz hold hands. Dilbert says, "In the year that we've dated, Liz, you've often mentioned various problems in your life." Dilbert continues, "I've compiled those problems into a list of requirements and developed a comprehensive set of solutions." Liz reads the list and says angrily, "How thoughtful. I didn't even know I was broken." Dilbert says, "No, no, not broken . . . Just a bit buggy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #bad grammar, #common useage, #entire language, #grunting, #pointing, #ripped off, #dog obedience

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on the couch reading a magazine and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "I'm going to use bad grammar more often." Dogbert continues, "My leadership will change the language through the principle of common usage." Dogbert continues, "And I won't stop until the entire language is reduced to grunting and pointing! Buwaha ha ha!!" Dilbert says, "I really got ripped off by that dog obedience school."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #document, #job process, #requirements, #anticipate, #shifting political winds, #relevant buzzwords, #achieve, #importance, #adding value, #process design

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table using a laptop. Dilbert tells the man across the table, "I need to document your job processes to satisfy our ISO 9000 requirements." The man replies, "Okay." The man says, "I try to anticipate the shifting political winds. Then I wrap myself in the relevant buzzwords and try to achieve importance without adding value." Dilbert asks, "What's your job title?" The man replies, "Director of ISO 9000 Quality Process Design."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #shrink wrap license, #new software, #bill gates, #new mansion, #towel boy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #canceling life insurance, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #extend vacations, #family freindly, #no longer allow, #remove incentives, #time off for death, #kill relatives

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Effective immediately, the company will no longer allow time off for the death of a family member." Catbert continues, "This 'family friendly' policy will remove your incentive to extend vacations by killing relatives." Catbert continues, "And more good news: we're canceling your life insurance so your family won't try to snuff you out either."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 1997's comic on:


Tags #frazzled, #meet deadlines, #all day meeting off site, #theroy, #more time to explin

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells the Boss, "I'm totally frazzled. There simply isn't enough time in the day to meet my upcoming deadlines." Dilbert's hair and clothes are disheveled. The Boss says, "Let's have an all-day meeting off-site so I can explain why the deadlines are so important." Dilbert says, "So, your theory is that I'll have more time in the day if you explain something I already know?" The Boss replies, "I don't have a lot of tools here."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #off site meeting, #overworked, #invite staff, #discuss mission statement, #sack race, #state trooper, #shoot any animal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working and talking on the phone at the same time. The Boss asks, "Have you set up our off-site meeting so we can talk about how overworked you are?" The Boss continues, "I was thinking we should invite the reast of the staff, too. We can discuss our mission statement, maybe have a sack race." The Boss adds, "Did you know that if you're a state trooper, you can shoot any animal that's been hit by a car?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #let me telecommute, #called in sick, #total days off, #working for nothing, #ahead in principle, #stupidity is principle

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, tells Dogbert, "I convinced my boss to let me telecommute." Dogbert asks, "How?" Dilbert replies, "Well, technically, I called in sick, which comes out of my time bank for total days off." Dilbert continues, "So, technically, I'm working for nothing, but I'm ahead in principle." Dogbert says, "WAY ahead, now that stupidity is a principle."