Hired Useless Man Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for hired useless man comic strips. Discover the best "Hired Useless Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #garbageman, #device, #standard, #anti-light, #resonance, #paris, #truck, #clone, #stigma

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Dogbert says, "Please, Mister Garbage Man, help us fix Dilbert's cloning device and bring him back to life!!" The garbage man looks at the device and says, "This shouldn't be too hard . . . Standard anti-light resonance filters . . . Yeah, I think I have parts in the truck." Dogbert asks, "You're going to clone him from his own garbage?" The garbage man replies, "Don't tell anybody - there might be a stigma."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #clone, #Dilbert, #arm, #hammer, #creature, #disgusting

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The caption says, "Dogbert and the garbage man try to clone Dilbert back to life." The garbage man and Dogbert watch as the cloning device makes a buzzing noise and lights up. The garbage man screams, "Aaagh! Run for your life!!! It's a hideous disgusting creature!!!" Dilbert's head appears in the garbage can. Dogbert hands Dilbert a box of baking soda and asks, "Would you care for a little 'Arm and Hammer?'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #mildew, #flamethrower, #punk, #punk rock

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I hired a cleaning person to come in once a week." Dilbert continues, "Starting today." The doorbell rings. A man with a mohawk haircut and an eyepatch stands in the doorway. Dilbert says, "Hi . . . Uh . . . Leave the flame-thrower outside." The man replies, "Fine. Let's just surrender to the mildew . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #punish, #man, #robbed, #house, #justice, #suffer, #stories

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Dilbert says, "Dogbert, we must become vigilantes and punish the man who robbed our house!!" Dilbert continues, "It's not justice we seek, it's REVENGE!!!" Dilbert says, "We must make him suffer." Dogbert replies, "Tell him one of your stories about work."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #tabloid, #devoted, #lies, #impatience, #fools, #legendary, #choked, #man, #necktie, #stupid, #questions, #shoulder

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The caption says, "Dogbert starts a tabloid newspaper devoted to lies about himself." Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types. Dilbert asks, "Where do you get your ideas?" Dogbert types, "Dogbert's impatience with fools was legendary. He once choked a man by his necktie for asking stupid questions." Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder as Dogbert types, "It happened one day when the fool was reading over Dogbert's shoulder and got too close."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #man, #chiuhuahua, #jock, #disguise, #animal behavior, #attention span, #mental health, #rat

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Man: Hey, aren't you one of those chihuahua dogs? Ratbert: The disguise is working. Man: Unless... Maybe you're just a rat in a turtleneck sweater, pretending to be a chihuahua. Ratbert: Think fast. Man: I don't have the attention span to think about it. Ratbert: What did he mean by, "just a rat"?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #helen, #man, #resume, #requested, #formula, #calculate, #ratio, #height, #baldness, #Men, #different, #nights

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Man: I hope you'll date me now, Helen. I brought my resume as you requested. Helen: There's a little formula I use to calculate the ratio of your earnings potential to your height and baldness... Hmm... You pass. Of course, I'll still date other men too. Man: On different nights?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #critical, #first, #sound, #date, #little man, #attached, #back, #co-worker, #successful, #pressure

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Dilbert arrives at a woman's door carrying flowers. Floyd is still attached to Dilbert's back. The woman says, "I don't mean to sound critical on a first date, but there's a little man attached to your back." Dilbert says, "That's Floyd. He's a co-worker who survives by sharing the success of others." The woman asks, "What if you're not successful?" Dilbert replies, "He'll die. But hey, no pressure."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #man, #george lucas, #Dogbert, #news, #sub-contract, #dan, #quayle, #muppets, #film studio, #faked, #special, #effects, #company

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A man says to George Lucas, "There's a dog here to see you, sir. He may be on to our operation." Lucas asks Dogbert, "Yes?" Dogbert says, "I came to find out if the news on television is all faked by your special effects company." Lucas and Dogbert sit at a table. Lucas says, "Actually, we don't do ALL of the news here. We had to sub-contract the Dan Quayle stuff to the Muppets." Dogbert says, "I knew that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #man, #rectangles, #heard, #boss, #geometry, #major, #good, #thinking, #geography, #rectangle, #states

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Dilbert sits at a conference table with several people. The man next to him whispers, "What's your presentation going to be about?" Dilbert replies in a whisper, "Rectangles. We heard the Boss was a geometry major." The man says, "Good thinking. But I heard he was a geography major, not geometry." Dilbert points to a rectangle projected onto the wall and says, "Wyoming: one of the many rectangular states."