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View 51 - 60 results for intellectual; needs comic strips. Discover the best "Intellectual; Needs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #haven't submitted paperwork, #raise, #show up, #talk to boss, #too busy, #secretary needs secretary

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Dilbert asks the Boss's secretary, "Carol, do you know why my raise hasn't showed up in my pay yet?" Carol replies, "I haven't submitted the paperwork." Carol says, "I'm too busy to do it. Maybe you should talk to my boss about getting me a secretary." Dilbert says, "Carol, YOU are the secretary." Carol replies, "That'll cost you another month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #industrial, #spy, #rumor, #xypon, #newspaper, #secret, #agent, #the boss

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss and says, "My code name is Dogbert. I'm an industrial spy." The Boss asks, "What makes you think my company needs your services?" Dogbert replies, "It's pretty obvious that you won't survive on your wits alone." Dogbert continues, "There's a rumor that Xypon Inc. is developing a tactical nuclear weapon to use against you." The Boss asks, "What exactly will you do for us?" Dogbert answers, "You give me fifty thousand dollars, then I disappear for a month and do secret spy things." Dogbert continues, "I'll return with information that only a spy or a regular newspaper reader could know." A man at Xypon Inc. asks, "How good are they, Dogbert?" Dogbert pulls a wagon full of money bags. He answers, "They're a bit gullible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #crabby, #defies, #society, #reward, #power, #crabdom, #worthless

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Have you ever noticed how crabby people always get what they want?" Dogbert continues, "It defies all reason. Society should punish the crabby, but instead they get rewarded." Dogbert continues, "So why fight it? I've decided to try the power of crabdom myself." Dilbert says, "I'm working. Could we talk later?" Dogbert says angrily, "Later?! Later?! Is my time worthless to you? What about MY needs?" Dogbert continues, "We'll talk NOW or we won't talk ever again!!" Dilbert replies, "Okay, okay! Let's talk." Dilbert asks, "Or were you just testing the power of crabdom?" Dogbert says, "Now you will dance for me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #promise customers, #product not yet designed, #motto, #ask forgiveness, #seek permission, #design work

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Bob tells Alice and Dilbert, "Maybe it was wrong to promise our customers a product that hasn't been designed yet." Bob says, "But our motto in marketing is, "'It's better to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission.'" Alice holds Bob over the roof. He is dangling. Dilbert says, "Your motto needs some design work too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company cellular, #dropped in john, #fish it out, #pager fell, #array of tools, #glasses, #toilet, #all needs

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Dilbert: "I need a replacement for my company cellular phone." "I dropped mine in the...John." The Boss: "Again?? Why don't you reach in and fish it out?" Dilbert: "I tried, but then my pager fell in too." The Boss: "Reach in and get them both." Dilbert: "I tried, of course, but when my vast array of writing tools fell in they kind of wedged..." The Boss: "Try it again!!!" Dogbert: "Where are your glasses?" Dilbert: "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #45 inch screen, #communications staellite, #cure disease, #fish appear on screen, #great products, #marketing, #new product, #room freshener, #telepathic user, #whiten teeth, #time travel, #business

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How Great Products are designed The Boss: Go talk to marketing. Dilbert: Groan Dilbert: Dave, tell me what marketing wants the new product to do. Dave: It has to have a 45 inch screen and still fit in a purse or a wallet. Dave: It needs to act as a communications satellite as well as a room fresher. Dilbert: uh... Dave: it must cure deadly diseases and whoyten your teeth while you sleep! HAHA! and it has to be capable of time travel!! and have a telepathic user interface! Slap! Dilbert: I could write a program that makes fish appear on the computer screen, DAVE: yeah a lot of people want that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #under arrest, #stealing boxes, #recycling goals, #reuse, #recycle, #cell, #locked up, #cubicle

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Catbert stands in the doorway of the copy room. Wally holds a cardboard box. Catbert says, "You're under arrest for stealing empty cardboard boxes!" Catbert says, "The company needs those boxes to meet its recycling goals." Wally says, "But reuse is better than recycling." Wally stands in his cubicle which now has a prison door. Catbert walks away. Wally stares through the bars. Wally thinks, "There's got to be a way out of this cell." The cubicle walls are barely higher than Wally's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #three day workshop, #sahring, #form teams, #paper airplanes, #blindfolded, #flight, #unconditional love, #co workers, #accountants, #marketers, #secreatries, #competitive lion, #workload, #eraser pilot, #group hug

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An instructor stands at the front of a room and says, "Let's go around the circle and share what we learned in the three-day workshop." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit together. Wally says, "At first I thought it was a waste of our training budget . . ." Wally says, "Then you asked us to form teams and make paper airplanes while blindfolded . . ." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "I don't know if it was because of the darkness or the way we shared our thoughts about flight . . ." Wally says, "But suddenly I found unconditional love for my co-workers. Be they accountants, be they marketeers or be they secretaries." Wally stands on his chair and says, "As a result, I've become a competitive lion, eager to pounce on my workload and increase stockholder values!!" The instructor says, "Thank you, Wally. Dilbert, what did you learn?" Dilbert says, "I learned that you shouldn't put a little eraser-pilot in your paper airplane." Wally says, "Somebody needs a group hug."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dilbert needs staples, #asks secreatry, #need order number, #supply catalog, #wally borrowed, #wally needs help, #alice needs meeting, #new vendor, #almost stapled

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Dilbert asks a secretary, "Helen, do you have any staples in the supply cabinet?" Helen replies, "No, I only stock the basics: cheap pens with green ink, big jars of glue and ribbons for obsolete printers." Dilbert asks, "Could you order some staples?" Helen says, "You need to give me the order number." Dilbert says, "Okay. Can I see your supply catalog?" Helen replies, "Wally borrowed it." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The phone rings and Helen says, "I'd better get that; it might be personal." Dilbert stands in the doorway and says, "Wally, do you have the . . ." Wally interrupts, "I need your help with this. Pull up a chair." Alice appears and says, "I need both of you to come talk to a vendor that we'll never use." Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "Thanks to teamwork, I almost stapled something today." Dogbert says, "I'm so proud to know you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #janitor, #over time pay, #75k per year, #basment, #reading magazines, #fishing, #engineer, #no over time, #Sports, #engineering

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Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."