Job Makes Alice Sick Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for job makes alice sick comic strips. Discover the best "Job Makes Alice Sick" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #be sick, #in advance, #not know, #scheduled, #sick days

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources CatBert: "From now on, all sick days must be scheduled in advance." Alice: "That's ridiculous. how are we supposed to know when we're going to be sick?" "Tomorrow." Catbert: "I hired a guy who never washes his hands to help you with scheduling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2007's comic on:


Tags #old job, #better than here, #great company, #fired, #quit, #moron

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"At my old job, we did everything better than we do it here." Alice: "They sound like a great company. It's no wonder they fired you." "They didn't fire me. I quit to come work here." Alice: "So, your point is that you're a moron?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #eye contact, #unpackageable, #generous severence, #volunteers, #retired bliss, #cruel twist fate, #keep job, #organic vessel, #self pity, #fishing, #Sports

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Asok and Dilbert are walking down the hall. Dilbert warns, "Uh-oh... don't make eye contact with that guy." Asok asks, "Why not?" Dilbert explains, "Ernie is unpackageable." Dilbert continues, "Last year, the company offered a generous severance package to people who volunteered to leave." Dilbert continues, "Ernie volunteered. He imagined a life of retired bliss outside this company." Dilbert continues, "But too many people volunteered. In a cruel twist of fate, Ernie was forced to keep his job." Dilbert continues, "Now he's nothing but an organic vessel for transporting self- pity." Ernie runs up to Asok and Dilbert and cries, "I could have been fishing!!! Waaa!!!" Alice, Asok, and Dilbert are sitting together. Asok's hair is standing straight up and he still has a panicked expression on his face. Alice asks, "You looked?" Dilbert responds, "I tried to warn him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #downsized candidate, #alice glad, #boss thanks wally, #ride to church, #on good side

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alice: "Wally, I'm glad we work in the same department." "Because your performance is so bad that you'll be downsized first." "You're like a buffer. As long as you're still here, my job is safe." "And there's nothing you can do to change the situation." The Boss: "Wally, do you mind giving my family a ride to church again this week?" Wally: "No problem." The Boss: "It's nice that you joined my church even though you live an hour away." "And I wouldn't say no to those tasty bagels you always bring for the ride." Alice: "GAAA!!!" The Boss: "Oh... I didn't see you sneak up on me, Heathen.. I mean Alice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2002's comic on:


Tags #engineer of the year, #fly to ny, #receive trophy, #winners, #other companies, #critical time, #name someone lese, #sick day, #sleep, #bathe, #carol, #marketing, #upside awards, #on head, #health, #business

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The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I'm naming you our company's 'Engineer of the Year.'" The Boss continues, "You'll fly to New York and receive a trophy with the winners from other companies." Alice replies, "I'm too busy. Name someone else." The Boss approaches Dilbert. Dilbert says, "That's a critical time for my project." The Boss approaches Asok. Asok says, "I'm flattered but I already have no time for sleeping or bathing." The Boss approaches Wally. Wally says, "I have a sick day scheduled for that Friday." The Boss says to Carol, "Carol, I need you to go to New York and pretend to be an engineer." Carol is standing with other guests at the award party. They have their awards on their heads; one is drinking from his. A guest says to Carol, "Why yes, most of us ARE really from marketing. How can you tell?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #voluntary layoff package, #ted, #retirement money, #start a business, #kites out of waffles, #worlds largest, #edible kites, #value opinion, #option., #alice

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A coworker comes into Wally's cubicle. The coworker says, "Wally, may I ask you for advice?" Wally responds, "Huh?" The coworker says, "My name is Ted. I'm planning to take the voluntary layoff package." The coworker continues, "Then I plan to use my retirement money to start a business that makes kites out of waffles!" The coworker continues, "In five years I hope to be the world's largest maker of edible kites." The coworker asks, "So, what do you think? I value your opinion." Wally responds, "Ted, who told you that I'd be a good person to ask for an opinion on your idea?" Ted replies, "Alice said it reminded her of the quality of your... ideas." He pauses and then says, "Oh." Wally and Ted are standing hostilely in Alice's cubicle. Alice exclaims, "Alice shoots for the double!!! She scores!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #new sales manager, #pig boy, #makes inappropriate comments, #employment screening process, #inappropriate comments, #swear, #date one eyed carpenter

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Alice is sitting at her desk. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "Alice, meet our new sales manager." Alice stands up. The Pigboy enters and stands next to The Boss. The Boss says, "He's a Pigboy who makes inappropriate comments every five minutes." The Boss turns to the Pigboy and says, "Somehow he slipped through our rigorous employment screening process." The Boss looks at his watch and says, "Whoa! His five minutes are up." The Pigboy starts, "So Alice..." Blocking the rest of the Pigboy's comment is "Inappropriate Comment Deleted." The Boss is chuckling. Alice says, "That was very clever. Now let me try one." Alice's pushes The Boss out of the way and screams profanity at the Pigboy. Her comment is also blocked by, "Inappropriate Comment Deleted." The Pigboy's head has exploded. Visibly frazzled, The Boss turns to Alice and asks, "How did you learn to swear like that?" Alice responds, "I used to date a one-eyed carpenter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2014's comic on:


Tags #relations between the sexes, #Women, #boss, #injected, #job performance drugs, #jerk, #kryptonite, #evolution, #physical attributes

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Dilbert: our boss injected me with job performance enhancing drugs. Alice: Gaaa!!! Evolution has made me attracted to your physical attributes! Dilbert: I'm sort of a jerk now. Alice: Noooo! That's my kryptonite!

Alice Takes On More Work

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Alice Takes On More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #workload, #philosophy, #semantics

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Alice: Why do I keep taking on more work while you do noting? Wally: That's because you optimize for productivity, while I optimize for my happiness. Alice: That makes you a freeloader. Wally: I prefer the label "happy winner."

Coaching Alice

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Coaching Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coaching, #mentor, #boss, #manager, #Advice

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Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?