Leak To Competition Comic Strips - Page 6
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Dilbert: Our competitors just made new five-year plan moot. While we were strategizing, they were doing something I believe they call 'work. On the plus side, I managed to salvage some joy by mocking you. The Boss: Whatever you're doing stop it."
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "According to your skills inventory, the only thing you are good at is?" Catbert says, "?diverting attention from your own lack of value." Wally says, "Is it just me, or is there a deadly gas leak in the building?" Catbert says, "Erk!"
Topper Dilbert says, "The value of my home is down about 40%" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I paid a homeless Elbonian family a million dollars to take my house." Dilbert says, "A recession isn't a competition." Topper says, "Said the loser."
The Boss says, "Wally, when you don't give 100%, it's unfair to your co-workers who have to pick up the slack." Wally says, "Actually, I'm pretty sure they like having less competition for raises." The Boss says, "There's no budget for raises this year." Wally says, "Yeah, I wouldn't mention that to the others."
The Boss says, "After eight months, senior management finally approved your project plan." Dilbert says, "It's too late. All of the technology has changed and our competitors have leapfrogged us." The Boss says, "Maybe you could write a new plan." Dilbert says, "Or we could get the same result by resubmitting this one."
The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Alan. He's a frendor." The Boss says, "He's not just a friend, and not just a vendor. He's something in between." The Boss says, "He'll laugh at your jokes and invite you to golf." The Boss says, "Some people are bothered by this conditional type of 'affection.'" The Boss says, "But it's better than the nothing you have now." Dilbert says, "This is awkward because I already decided to buy from his competition." The Boss says, "Now you've done it. You turned your frendor into a stalkor." Dilbert says, "I wonder if it's wrong to enjoy the attention."
Alice says, "I see you have your giant-sized barf bag. You must be going to the consumer electronics show." Dilbert says, "Yup." Dilbert says, "Every time I see a new product that is cooler than anything we're working on, I'll go to the bag." Man says, "And it only weight one ounce!" FOOMP!!! At the show
Dogbert says, "You competitors are faster because they have meetings where everyone has to stand up." Dogbert says, "We'll top that by having meetings where everyone does jumping jacks while I pelt them with office supplies." Asok says, "It's working!"
Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar
Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.