Search Results for "levels performance"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #alice performance, #needs supervision, #protest, #evil, #purr

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to The Boss, "Write on Alice's performance review, 'Needs too much supervision.'" Catbert continues, "When she goes to your office to protest, say, 'See what I mean?'" Catbert finishes, "Ooh! That was so evil I need to purr with my lips!" He spits all over the boss while purring, "P-p-p-urr.. p-p-p-urrr.. p-p-p-p-urr."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #no revenue, #three months, #fire billing, #excellent performance

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2002's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #integrates, #resources, #optimize, #performance, #technology, #integrated

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #burned down, #customer headquaters, #employee screws up, #performance reviews, #demo unit

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. He says to The Boss, "Don't give performance reviews on time." Catbert continues, "Wait until an employee screws up something big, then pounce!" A frazzled employee with torn clothes and smoking hair says to The Boss, "...I forgot to unplug the demo unit and it burned down our customer's headquarters." The Boss asks, "Do you have a minute?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #produce breakthrough, #meeting, #coach me, #higher perfromance, #no hope for progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project has no progress and no hope for progress. I scheduled a meeting is I can fantasize that it will produce a breakthrough. I recommend that we have a meeting next week so you can fantasize that your'll coach me to higher levels of performance. The Boss: Sounds good.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #admire, #performance over appearence, #fist of death, #mean, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: "You know what I admire about you, Alice?" "You obviously value performance over appearance." Alice: "Thank you." "Wait... If that was a compliment, why is my fist of death tingling?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #have plan, #division perfromance, #worst division, #average performance, #merge

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #self evaluation, #performance review, #core values, #honesty, #integrity, #Wally, #dishonest

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I need your self evaluation so I can write your performance review. Remember to rate yourself on our core values of honesty and integrity. Wally claims he did no work this year. But he's so dishonest , so you can't be sure.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #criticism, #performance review, #trap is set

View Transcript

Transcript

Performance Review Dilbert: What do you mean by "doesn't take criticism well?" Boss: This is a perfect example. I say one little thing and you go all nuts on me. And the trap is set.