Manage Resources Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

281 Results for Manage Resources

View 51 - 60 results for manage resources comic strips. Discover the best "Manage Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #evil director, #severance package, #spittle, #laugh, #purr, #bad package, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of Human Resources. "What kind of severance package do I get?" "I can't decide if I should laugh or purr, but there's definitely spittle in your future." "This is a bad package." "PURRRR-HA-HA HA-PURRRRR-HA HA-PURRRR!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resources, #project, #credibility, #contradiction, #ruining credibility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "And that's why we can't put any more resources on your project." The Boss: "Sure we can." Dilbert: "Gaaaa!!! Why do you keep ruining my credibility?!!!" The Boss: "Good cop, bad cop." Dilbert: "If there is a god, please KILL ME NOW!!!" The Boss: "Gum?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make ted quit, #aggressive replacement, #share resources, #job unbearable, #pants, #in same pants

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #been excessed, #yoga move, #rageful comments, #hope for a hug, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources "Your position has been excessed, or as I prefer to say..." "I will tear the flesh from your bones!" "Phew! I love that yoga move." "There is like, no hope for a hug, right?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting system, #profitable, #manage randomlt, #claim success, #funding, #hug

View Transcript

Transcript

"Our accounting system is so inaccurate that we don't know how profitable anything is." "It's so bad that you could manage randomly and claim success no matter what happens." "I was looking for funding, not a hug."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #80 hour week, #crazy talk, #less work, #loofah, #evil director, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Alice: Im working 80 hours a week. I barely have time to bathe. Catbert: try using your tongue during meetings, Its like a bath and a loofah all in one. Alice: Or I could do less work. Catbert: Thats crazy talk.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #good bye party, #making t shirts, #last of cake

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: We're planning a goodbye party for downsizes. Im making T-shirts so its easy to tell who the special guest are. Dilbert: I got the last of the cake. Im special.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hairball, #stock options, #evil director, #human resources, #bous system, #kindness of management, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: stock options will be replaced with a bonus system. Dilbert: So....now my happiness depends on the kindness of management instead of the gullibility of our investors? Catbert: allow me to respond by hacking a hairball in your direction.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #sow the seeds, #discontent, #massive disloyalty, #riots, #disloyalty, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Send the salary spreadsheet to Human Resources." "Don't let anyone else see it. That sort of information could sow the seeds of discontent." "We'd have massive disloyalty, fights, vandalism, maybe even riots."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #cheaper, #employee wellness program, #sick days, #incentives, #highly paid workers, #more fun

View Transcript

Transcript

"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."