Misinterpret Everything Comic Strips - Page 6

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277 Results for Misinterpret Everything

View 51 - 60 results for misinterpret everything comic strips. Discover the best "Misinterpret Everything" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #embarrassment, #news letter, #leadership, #sound stupid

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Boss: Good news: I signed up to receive a free leadership newsletter by email. I know it's good because it's written by some guy who used to have a job. Stop making everything I say sound stupid!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clubs, #meetings, #rich people, #tiny flying unicron, #commodities, #1% club, #imagination, #Entertainment

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Wally: A tiny flying unicorn gave me this key. Guard: Grab a snout and a hat. We're just about to manipulate the commodities market. Wally: Is it my imagination or everything a little bit better here?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business

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Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #machinery, #build robots, #wait a week, #forgets

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CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #research, #believe internet, #roll eyes, #ignorance, #science

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Dilbert: According to my research on the internet, Plan B will work best. Boss: I'm rolling my eyes because you believe everything you read on the internet. Dilbert: I should take a picture in case someone ever asks me if ignorance has a tell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ineffective, #nemesis, #physics of work, #quarreling

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Dilbert: My old nemesis retired, so I asked Randy to take over that function because he's ineffective at everything he does. Coworker: Huh? Dilbert: The physics of work required that each employee be matched with an anti-employee called a nemesis. Coworker: I don't know who my nemesis is. Wally: Uh-oh. You got a hider. They're the worst.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #bad habit, #misinterpreting, #bad mouthing, #too paranoid, #sounds crazy

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Co-worker 1: So, Dilbert, what else are you working on lately? Dilbert: I'd rather not say because you have a habit of misinterpreting everything you hear and then bad-mouthing it later. Co-worker 1: He basically said he's too paranoid to talk to people. Co-worker 2: He sounds crazy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #bad idea, #email, #hate, #meeting, #recommend changes, #bed ideas, #business

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Coworker: Did you see my email with all of my recommended changes to your product? Dilbert: Yes. Everything you suggested is a bad idea, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining why. Coworker: Now I hate you. Dilbert: All roads headed in that directions. All I did was take the shortest one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #gloat, #rock, #perfume, #decadent, #life, #desires

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Okay then, suppose you had everything you wanted. What would you do?" Dogbert answers, "Gloat. Make everybody else feel like failures. Live a garish and decadent life." Dilbert asks, "And when that gets boring?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe start my own perfume company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #operating, #manual, #buying, #flowers, #opening, #doors, #money, #woman, #Women, #dating

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Would you like to see my operating manual?" Dilbert asks, "Operating manual?" The woman explains, "It's an aid to men. It covers everything from 'buying flowers' to 'opening doors.'" Dilbert reads the manual and says, "Looks like you're due to have your jewelry rotated." The woman replies, "Every thirty days. Saves money in the long run."