Nail Waiting For Hammer Comic Strips - Page 6

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95 Results for Nail Waiting For Hammer

View 51 - 60 results for nail waiting for hammer comic strips. Discover the best "Nail Waiting For Hammer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #jordan preventer of information services, #confiscate non standard computer, #heavier, #disable it

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Mordac introduces himself to Wally, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. I come to confiscate your non-standard computer." Wally asks, "You'll give me a new one, right?" Mordac takes the computer and says, "This is heavier than it looks." Mordac starts to hammer the computer and says, "I'll have to disable it and leave it here." Wally asks, "The new one is already on its way, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1998's comic on:


Tags #cubicle roof, #skilled worker, #low unemployement, #roofer, #pinged nail, #Wally, #poindexter

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Dilbert speaking with Wally while construction worker hammers away at roof for Wally's cubicle. Dilbert says to Wally, "Your cubicle roof is looking good." Wally responds, "Yep." Wally says to Dilbert, "I love being a skilled worker in a period of low unemployment. I can get anything I demand." Construction worker throws a something at while thay hits him in the head and then says, "Hey, Poindexter, fetch me a lemonade." Dilbert exclaims, "Ouch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #launch sequence, #lift off, #cubicle in space, #near moon

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Dogbert and Dilbert are strapped down in Dilbert's cubicle. Dogbert says, "Initiate launch sequence." The cubicle takes off revealing rocket boosters underneath it. Dogbert says, "We have liftoff." The cubicle floats near the surface of the moon. Dilbert says. "I keep waiting for this to seem like a bad idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #every resource, #task, #dependency, #road map, #two weeks, #tasks, #two weeks late, #dependencies are wrong, #estimates, #to be determined, #ransom numbers, #redo whole plan

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Man: "Let's spend the next four hours reviewing the project plan." "I've detailed every resource, task and dependency into an exquisitely accurate road map." "It took me two weeks, but it's the only way to make sure we're not wasting time." Alice: "My tasks are two weeks late because I was waiting for your input." Dilbert: "And you left off one task, so all the dependencies are wrong." Wally: "I'm changing all of my estimate to 'to be determined'." Dilbert: "Can we do that? I've just been using random numbers." Man: "I'll have to redo the whole plan." Wally: "Don't worry. We won't do anything until we hear from you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #boyfriend/girlfreind, #buddies, #close freinds, #friends explined, #mans best freind, #platonic friends, #work friends

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"Friends Explained" "A Very Special 'Dilbert'." "Close friends." "May I borrow your gum?" "Sure, reach in and take what you need." "Buddies" "May I borrow your hammer?" "Why not use your forehead as usual?" "Work Friends" "So, how's your wife?" "Dead, same as last week." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (stereotypical view)" "Love." "Lust." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (modern correct view)" "Lust." "Television." "Platonic friends" "Television?" "Lust." "Man's Best Friend" "By my estimate there are 2.6 billion females who do NOT desire you." "Name them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #restaurant trip, #distractions, #people disperse, #alice bathroom, #wally calls, #ted mail letters, #eat dinner

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Dilbert tells Alice and Wally, "We're waiting for Ted, then we can head for the restaurant." Wally says, "While we're waiting, I'll return a few phone calls." Ted walks up and says, "Let's go! Hey, where's Wally?" Dilbert thinks, "The chain reaction has begun." Dilbert covers his eyes and thinks, "Why can't we do this simple thing?" Alice says, "I'll be in the ladies' room." Wally asks, "Where's Alice?" Ted says, "I've got to mail a letter. I'll take my car and meet you there." Wally thinks, "I can make some calls." Dilbert yells at Ted, "You're the only one who knows which restaurant we're going to!" Ted replies, "Alice knows where it is. Tell her it's the one with the food." The Boss asks Dilbert, "Has your team finished engineering the new missile guidance chip?" Dilbert replies, "I think it's time to give peace a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #help desk, #reengineered, #out of existence, #never call again, #pie chart, #crush computer, #ass flour, #bake one hour, #free novel, #manual, #repeat process

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A bald man says into the telephone, "Hello, is this the 'Help Desk'?" Dogbert wears a headset and sits at a computer. He replies, "No, that group got reengineered out of existence." Dogbert continues, "I'm the new 'No Help Whatsoever Desk.' My job is to make sure you never call again." The man asks, "Can you tell me how to make a pie chart?" Dogbert replies, "Crush your computer into small chunks, add flour and bake one hour." Dogbert continues, "While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named 'Manual.'" Dogbert continues, "Repeat the process until you get the desired result." The man sits next to an oven reading an instruction manual. He thinks, "This lost a LOT in the translation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #new employee, #obsolete computer, #spirit crush, #cubicle, #safety hazrds, #look busy, #meaningful assignment, #wait, #binder, #desk

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The Boss introduces Matt to Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is our newest employee, Matt." In a private fashion, The Boss says, "Would you mind ..." Dilbert finishes his sentence, "Crushing his spirit?" The Boss confirms, "Right." Dilbert shows Matt his cubicle. Dilbert says to Matt, "This little box will be your home for sixty hours a week." Dilbert and Matt enter the cubicle. Dilbert points to a binder and says, "It comes with an obsolete computer and a binder about safety hazards." Dilbert continues, "Your challenge is to look busy until someone gives you a meaningful assignment." Matt inquires, "How long will that take?" As Dilbert exits the cubicle, he comments, "I'm still waiting for mine." Matt proceeds to read the binder in front of his computer. "Safety tip 1: Don't sit near any obsolete computers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1999's comic on:


Tags #carol on phone, #yell kids, #key to cabinet, #supply cabinet, #cheetah, #panda, #jungle, #office

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Dilbert peers over his cubicle wall. Dilbert thinks, "As usual, Carol is on the phone yelling at her kids." Wally also peers over his partition. Dilbert thinks, "I wait, like a cheetah, for a chance to ask her for the key to the supply cabinet." Dilbert says, to Wally, "Are you waiting like a cheetah?" Wally says, "I'm more of a panda."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 1999's comic on:


Tags #analysis, #ask unnecessary cahnges, #stop ahead, #analysis unnecessary, #science

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The Boss comes into Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, did you finish the analysis for tomorrow?" Wally answers, "No." Wally continues, "I'm waiting until the last minute so you won't have time to ask for unnecessary changes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "I'm already one step ahead of him- the analysis itself is unnecessary."