Never Fire Comic Strips - Page 6

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View 51 - 60 results for never fire comic strips. Discover the best "Never Fire" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #never undertsnd, #engineer, #all day meetings, #knowledge worker, #prodcut, #acronym, #puntucal, #dilbert's mother, #engineering

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Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert's mother offers him a cookie and says, "I'll never understand what you do for a living." Dilbert replies, "I told you I'm an engineer, Mom." Dilbert's mom says, "So you say, but you also say you spend all day in meetings. When do you do any engineering?" Dilbert replies, "Good point. Let's just say I'm what the experts call a 'knowledge worker.'" Dilbert's mother asks, "Which experts call it that?" Dilbert replies, "I don't know." Dilbert's mom asks, "What's the name of the product you're working on?" Dilbert responds, "I don't know what the acronym stands for . . ." Mom asks, "What kind of market penetration and return on investment do you expect?" Dilbert says, "Um . . . I don't know . . ." Dilbert's mom says, "Oh, dear . . . Well, I'm sure you're very punctual." Dilbert shouts, "Ask me another question!! C'mon . . ." Dogbert asks, "Why do they call you a 'KNOWLEDGE worker'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coaching session, #never returned call, #obstacle course, #unpleasant coworker, #blissful, #productivity

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The caption says, "Office obstacle course." Dilbert walks down the hall. He sees another man and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Phil. I never returned his call. Walk faster." Dilbert runs into the elevator as the doors close. He thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert peers around a corner and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's an unpleasant co-worker who wants to be my friend." Dilbert walks behind Wally and a woman and thinks, "The clever engineer blends with the herd to avoid detection." Dilbert stands by Alice's desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, I owe Alice some information." Alice's phone rings. As Alice answers the phone, Dilbert runs by her desk and thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "There's only one more obstacle between me and blissful productivity." The Boss comes around the corner. Dilbert runs into the Boss and shouts, "My whole day is ruined!!!" The Boss says, "It looks like you need a one-on-one coaching session."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new ceo, #tall caucasian male, #no experince, #necktie, #resume, #bizarre logic, #never worked in industry

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Dilbert stands in the bedroom tying his tie. He tells Dogbert, "Our new CEO will be announced today, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Rumor has it that they picked a tall caucasian male with no experience in our industry." Dilbert continues, "I can't wait to hear the bizarre logic behind this choice." Dogbert says, "I like your necktie. Is it new?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up." A man stands at a podium and says, "Our new CEO has never worked in our industry, but that's exactly what we were looking for . . ." The man continues, ". . . Because we wanted a CEO who doesn't know what can't be done!" The men prepare to shake hands, but the CEO offers his left hand. The man whispers, "Other hand . . . Other hand." The CEO asks, "Why?" Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He looks a bit overqualified." Wally says, "I really took the wrong approach on my resume."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project plan requested, #working day and night, #wold chipmunks, #clip art, #never mic sarcasm, #good clip art

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Dilbert enters the Boss's office. He says, "Here's my project plan as you requested." Dilbert explains, "Our team is already working day and night on other projects." Dilbert continues, "I assumed we'd give up eating, sleeping and bathing to fit this in." Dilbert continues, "By the second week we'll be starving, delirious and stinking." Dilbert continues, "We'll be like wild, unpredictable animals." Dilbert continues, "Specifically, we'd be like wild chipmunks. None of us are very aggressive." Dilbert points to the proposal and says, "This clip art represents us in week three as a pile of dead chipmunks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Now he wants it in two weeks?" Dilbert says, "Never mix sarcasm with good clip-art."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #albert einstein, #marketing, #idea, #never work, #don't fully understand, #albert, #quite an ego, #experienced managers, #work smarter, #not harder, #business

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What if...Albert Einstien had been in marketing? Dogbert stands excited. Albert Einstien hands a piece of paper to The Boss who sits behind his desk. Einstien says, "I have a great idea for increasing sales." The Boss reads report. The Boss says, "Nope. This will never work." Einstien asks, "Um...is it possible that you don't fully understand the idea?" The Boss says, "That's quite an ego you have there, Allan." Einstein frowns. Einstein says, "Albert." The Boss walks Einstien out of his office. The Boss says, "Experienced managers know how to identify bad ideas...." The Boss says, "Bad ideas come from other people. Now go work smarter, not harder." Einstien walks away. The Boss thinks, "I worry that a guy like that will go off and build a huge bomb."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new office rebel, #nice bathrobe, #easily manipulated, #dare you, #use barnding, #the fire

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The male office rebel with the spiked hair extends shakes Dilbert's hand and says, "You must be the new office rebel we heard about. Nice bathrobe." The other pierced male rebel says, "We're called rebels because we're easily manipulated into doing stupid things." Spiked hair rebel raises the roof and says, "Give it up fpr us! Whoo whoo!" Dilbert says, "I dare you to use branding irons on each other right now." Spiked haired says, "Start the fire!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #never been summoned, #intern, #respect, #great honor, #air from outdoors, #air duct, #building

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Asok stands in the Boss's office and says, "I have never been summoned to your office before. It is a great honor for an intern." the boss points at the ceiling and says, "I need you to crawl through this air duct and find out where air comes from." Asok says, "Air comed from out doors." The boss says, "No, I think it's coming from our building."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dilbert and mother, #watching, #web cam, #not working hard, #fire wall, #using mail server

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer when the phone rings. Dilbert's mom is on the other end. She is sitting in a chair with an open laptop with Dilbert's face on the screen. She says, "I've been watching you through your web cam and I don't think you're working hard enough." (With the emphasis on "much"...) She says, "Well, there wasn't much of a fire wall. I'm using your mail server to spam my mahjongg club."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the turnaround ceo, #mole, #fire, #affect revenue, #outsource everything, #one smart employee, #risk, #rude

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The Turnaround CEO The devilish looking CEO asks Dilbert, "Tell me, mole, who can I fire without affecting revenue?" Dilbert replies, "In theory, you could outsource everything and run the company with one smart employee." Dilbert continues, "And at the risk of sounding rude, only one of us knew that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #cancelled, #never love agian, #remounce religion

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Dilbert is holding a mug and walking behind Asok. Dilbert says to Asok: "I heard your project got cancelled." Asok stops and says: "What?" Asok screams and shakes his hands in the air in front of Dilbert: "No! No! Why me? I'll never love again!!" Asok's hair is standing up and he is grabbing his tie with wild eyes. Asok says to Dilbert: "I renounce my religion." Dilbert says: "Ouch."