New Job Title Comic Strips - Page 6
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1000 Results for New Job Title
View 51 - 60 results for new job title comic strips. Discover the best "New Job Title" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 01,
2012
Tags honesty, managers & supervisors, bad job, new assignment, poor job, matching skills, business
Transcript
Boss: Can you explain why you're doing such a bad job on your new assignment? Dilbert: Yes I can: some idiot did a poor job matching my skills to my assignment. Boss: Let's try it again, but this time say something bad about yourself. Dilbert: I'm too honest?
Thursday December 18,
2008
Tags complain, garbage, job, trash, new assignment, troll in charge, legacy systems, shouldn't complain, economy, free bag of garbage, business
Transcript
Dilbert: My new assignment is "troll in charge of the legacy systems." I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm lucky to have a job in this economy. Garbageman: Would a free bag of garbage make you feel better? Dilbert: A little.
Thursday February 25,
2010
Tags new account manager, boring job, problem solver, introduce, shake hands, first day, toys
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new account manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "His job is solving a hodgepodge of problems that would bore a normal person to death." The Boss says, "We think his parents didn't let him have toys." Dilbert says, "The first day is the easiest."
Wednesday March 24,
2010
Tags leg, rope, attached, crony, ceo, job, new boss, qualified, monkey, hammer, hold, suspicious, business, animals
Transcript
CEO says, "This rope is attached to a crony from my last CEO job." CEO says, "Give it a good yank and reel him in. He's your new boss." The Boss says, "Is he qualified for the job?" CEO says, "Like a monkey with a hammer!"
Friday April 02,
2010
Tags training, new software, trick, hire, job opening, interview, technical expert, provide
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I need training to use our new software." The Boss says, "Pretend we have a job opening for a technical expert in that field. Then ask applicants how they would do whatever it is that you need to do." Man says, "Does you company provide training?" Dilbert says, "'Provide' is a strong word."
Sunday November 23,
2003
Tags job applaicants, new batch, 500 qualified people, who wants job, pummel each applicat, very soft itmes, harder materials, sugar doughnut, their attitudes, upbeat
Transcript
CatBert: "The new batch of job applicants is more desperate than usual." "Excellent." The Boss: "Five hundred qualified people applied for this position." "Who wants this job the most?" "I plan to pummel each applicant with a variety of objects, beginning with very soft items." "Then I'll gradually move toward harder materials until only one person is left." "I'll begin with this soft sugar doughnut." "ZING. PIFF!" "Thank you." CAtBert: "How are theur attitudes?" "Refreshingly upbeat!"
Sunday February 11,
2001
Tags nephew, job interview, bowling, heavy balls, work, experince, taught, snack bar, whacked, new boss
Transcript
The Boss hands a piece of paper to Dilbert and says, "My nephew wants a job. Interview him and tell me what you think." The Boss' nephew sits across from Dilbert as Dilbert looks at his resume. Dilbert says, "Let's see... Your work experience is... Bowling." Dilbert asks, "Are you a professional bowler?" The Boss' nephew replies, "I only bowled once." The Boss' nephew continues, "But the balls were heavy. It seemed like work to me." The Boss' nephew continues, "That experience taught me everything I know." The Boss' nephew continues, "Unfortunately, I don't remember most of it." The Boss' nephew continues, "But I remember you're not supposed to bowl in the snack bar." Dilbert says to The Boss, "I recommend having him whacked." The Boss replies, "He's your new boss."
Tuesday September 17,
2013
Tags lying, new business, professional liar, albis, job refernces, annual reports, born evil
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a new business as a professional liar. I'll provide alibis, job references, annual reports, and that sort of thing. Dilbert; Were you born evil? Dogbert: It feels as if someone else had a hand in it.
Wednesday April 07,
2021
Title Promotion
Tags business, technology, recognition, outstanding, work, pandemic, title, Promotion, stupid, raise, ungrateful, engineer
Transcript
boss: dilbert, in recognition of your outstanding work during the pandemic, i'm giving you a promotion. dilbert: i don't want a stupid title. i want a raise. what's my new title? boss's voice through phone: "ungrateful engineer."
Saturday June 19,
2021
Potted Plant
Tags business, communication, job, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, employees, feelings, potted plant, new, boss
Transcript
ceo: the only reason you have a job is so i don't have to talk to employees. but i still talk to you every day, so i hired a potted plant to be your new boss. boss: i feel deeply insulted. ceo: see? a plant would never feel that way.