No Longer Communtes Comic Strips - Page 6

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Today I had a choice of doing something important that no one would ever realize... "...Or doing something useless that would look like an accomplishment." "So I attended meetings until I could no longer appreciate the difference." "Keep up the good work."

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"This is a picture of my cubicle. As you can see, it's slightly bigger than yours." "That means I'm slightly more important than you." "And yet you've worked here much longer." "I GET IT!!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gratitude, #lay offs, #seven engineers, #trying to succeed, #gratutude, #pressure off

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Boss: I had to lay off seven engineers and... I need you to pick up those functions. Dilbert: Wow! I feel a weight has been lifted from my chest. Now that my failure is guaranteed, I no longer feel the stress of trying to succeed! I don't know how to thank you for this. Boss: This didn't go the way I hoped.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fear, #inventions, #machine learning, #track customers, #machines take over, #annihilate all humans

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CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alcoholic beverages, #boardwalk empire, #degenerated, #experince, #forklift jousting, #free beer, #fridays, #team building

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Boss: The company will no longer offer free beer on Fridays. It started as a team-building experience, but it degenerated into forklift jousting in the warehouse. Wally: I'm going all "Boardwalk Empire" on you now, Volstead! Boss: I hope that means something good.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss calls, #vacation, #counter productive policies, #victims of ignorance

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The Boss says, "Is everything okay since I left for vacation?" Carol says, "Better than ever." Carol says, "Counterproductive policies have been eliminated, and we are no longer victims of ignorance." The Boss thinks, "Man, I don't like the sound of that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plaintiff, #favor of, #weasel, #unanimous, #wants to leave, #juror, #jury, #jurors box, #legal

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JUROR: "We find in favor of the plaintiff dude." "There was some discussion about which one is the plaintiff - the complainy guy or the weasel." "But we were unanimous in not wanting to be here any longer." Another man says, "Aye!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lunch, #eating, #golf, #weekends, #useless, #lessons, #Sports

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Wally says, "I'm no longer content to be useless at work." Wally says, "I decided to take up golf so I can be useless on weekends too." Dilbert says, "Are you going to take lessons?" Wally says, "You get to hit the ball more if you don't."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #annoying, #frustrated, #cruel

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The boss says, "I hired a woman who laughs too much." Woman says, "Ha ha ha ha ha!" The boss says, "She'll be in the cubicle next to yours." Woman says, "Wa-ha ha ha ha!" Dilbert says, "I no longer worry about life passing too quickly."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #bragging, #education, #ridiculous, #doubting, #annoyed

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Man says, "I have an MBA from a top business school." Man says, "I'm a management expert because I read case studies about businesses that were in completely different situations." Man says, "Wait a minute. Why does that suddenly seem ridiculous?" Dilbert says, "Will this take much longer?"