Non Standard Equipment Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

148 Results for Non Standard Equipment

View 51 - 60 results for non standard equipment comic strips. Discover the best "Non Standard Equipment" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2004's comic on:


Tags #cancelled vacations, #non refundable, #tickets, #tahiti, #exception, #look skeptical, #coffee, #break room

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: You cancelled all vacations but I have non-refundable plane tickets to tahiti. So I should be an exception to ...the ...um....you look skeptical. Dilbert: I dont think Tahiti would let you in. Wally: why does everyone say that?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #monitor actions, #cameras, #strapped to head, #non work related, #attach sensors, #track thoughts, #engineers, #lab assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We monitor all of your actions, but we suspect you are still doing non-work-related thinking." Catbert says, "My lab assistant Trixie will attach sensors to your head and track all of your thoughts." The computer screen says, "Mmm... Trixie, wear this while you wash my electric car." Trixie thinks, "Engineers."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2008's comic on:


Tags #bought company, #discriminate, #non elbonian, #hatless spawn, #satans bowels, #elbonian company

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "An Elbonian company bought our company yesterday." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "They promise they won't discriminate against non-Elbonians." An Elbonian says, "Hey, hatless spawn of Satan's bowels, put a head on this."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #new elbonian management, #not discriminate, #non elbonians, #belief system, #level as livestock, #wrong hoof, #new superior

View Transcript

Transcript

An Elbonian says, "I assure you that your new Elbonian management will not discriminate against non-Elbonians." Someone says, "Doesn't your belief system hold that all non-Elbonians are on the same level as livestock?" The Elbonian says, "Someone is starting off on the wrong hoof with his new supervisor."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #define values, #emotional illsuion, #common to children, #idiots, #non engineers, #cult

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Who can define 'values'? Anyone?" Dilbert says, "Values are a type of emotional illusion common to children, idiots and non-engineers." The Boss says, "Can we pretend values are real?" Dilbert says, "Are we a cult now?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #25 questions, #before start, #bluff, #didn't send email, #email, #excuses, #lies to boss, #non responsive, #slacker, #standoff

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I planned to be productive this week. I sent you an e-mail with 25 questions I need answered before I can start on my project. I waited patiently while your non-responsiveness crushed my hopes and dreams. The Boss: I don't have time to answer 25 questions! Wally: Well then, it appears we are at a standoff. The Boss: Okay, okay! I'll work all weekend answering your stupid questions!!! Wally: That's great, unless you can't find the e-mail I sent. Dilbert: Did you really send an e-mail?" Wally: That's not how I roll.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #behind schedule, #defective equipment, #improbable event, #reliable vendor, #sales guy, #golfing, #bought hat, #impossible boss, #on the hook

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise because your project is behind schedule." Dilbert says, "That's because the vendor delivered defective equipment." The Boss says, "It is your job to anticipate that sort of problem and head it off." Dilbert says, "It isn't possible to anticipate and head off every improbable event." The Boss says, "Well, you could have picked a more reliable vendor." Dilbert says, "You told me to use this vendor because the sales guy took you golfing and bought you a hat." The Boss says, "Well, you should have seen that coming and burned down all hat factories a year ago." Dilbert says, "He would have bribed you another way." The Boss says, "That's what lazy people say."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #binge eating, #both mandatory and prohibited, #budget freeze, #corporate communications, #cubicle, #danville font, #danville font software, #department, #negativity, #next evaluation, #non stop sobbing, #approved corporate font, #no eating, #cubicles

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Tina, "Tina, you didn't use the approved corporate font." The Boss continues, "Our corporate communications department days we have to use the danville font." Tina replies, "No problem. I'll buy the danville font software today." The Boss says, "There's a budget freeze on software purchases." Tina asks, "So.. the danville font is both mandatory and prohibited?" The Boss says, "Remind me to ding you for negativity on your next evaluation." Tina responds, "I think I'll do some binge eating and non-stop sobbing at my cubicle now." Tina continues, "Unless that's prohibited too." The Boss replies, "No eating in cubicles."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #two ways to fail, #miss deadlines, #quality of work, #active non listening, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You've given me so many projects that I have two ways to fail. I can either miss all of my deadlines or I can reduce the quality of my work to rubbish. Which do you prefer? Boss: The class I took in active non-listening is really paying off. I need this by Tuesday.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #basket cases, #bottom dollar, #dysfunction, #mentor, #new hire, #office equipment, #office robot, #human life, #less important

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need someone to mentor our new hire, but every one of you is dysfunctional. So I'm having our office robot do the mentoring. It can't be worse than you basket cases. Employee: So... human life is less important than office equipment? Robot: Far less. It's not even close.