Past Month Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

243 Results for Past Month

View 51 - 60 results for past month comic strips. Discover the best "Past Month" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attending meetings, #busy, #funding, #get funding, #need a budget, #past year, #top priority, #one task

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "Everything is ready. We just need the budget." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You did get the funding... Didn't you?" The Boss says, "I've been very busy." Dilbert says to The Boss, "This project has been your top priority for over a year!!!" Dilbert says to The Boss, "You only had one task: get funding." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What have you been doing for the past year?! The Boss says, "I remember attending meetings..." Dilbert, holding his head in his hands, cries, "Aay iii yiii yiii!!" The Boss says, "If you need anything, just holler."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #new philosophy, #live for today, #motto, #avoid starving tomorrow, #ruin every minute, #living in past, #gustave, #traded beaver pelts, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #efficiency experts, #employee tracking, #wandering aorund, #meetings, #restroom trips, #employee monitoring, #wrist monitor, #low levels of caffeine, #typos up, #beat authority figure, #tablet computer, #danger signals, #workloads

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #magician, #press agents, #pubilcity, #famous magician, #fired, #stayed in swear, #rats for month

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Your last job was doing publicity for a famous magician. Why did you leave. Interviewee: My boss fired me after the trick where he stayed in a sewer full of rats for a month. Dilbert: I didn't hear about that. Interviewee: I forgot to tell anyone it was happening.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good attitude award, #stupid award, #screamed, #nominated, #award, #peer voting, #next month, #employees, #boss, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, you've been nominated by your peers for the "good attitude award." Alice: Get out of here with your stupid, useless award!!! Boss: Maybe I shouldn't let peers do the voting. Wally: I like her odds to win again next month.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bird poop, #cars, #incentives, #mass transit, #punishment, #worst employee of the month, #special parking spot, #big tree, #every bird, #firemans axe, #wallow in shame, #incentives dont work

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.

Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #experience, #stock market, #lost savings, #past perfromance, #further returns, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.

Dogbert Talks Past The Sale

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Talks Past The Sale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manipulation, #negotiating, #negotiation, #psychology, #guest artist, #josh shipley

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Do you want to prepare and serve my favorite food to me now or in one minute? Dilbert: Why do you always that manipulative trick of making me think past the sale? Dogbert: Because it works? Dilbert: One minute! Not a second sooner!

Gaslighting The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gaslighting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #month, #november, #october, #birthday, #family relations, #wife, #gaslight

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.

Shaking Hands

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Shaking Hands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #invent, #Alternative, #handshake, #high-five, #month, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think? dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?