Pathetic Defeated Losers Comic Strips - Page 6

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59 Results for Pathetic Defeated Losers

View 51 - 59 results for pathetic defeated losers comic strips. Discover the best "Pathetic Defeated Losers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asking, #work, #task, #assignment, #excuses, #ridicule, #avoiding, #hopeless, #defeated, #annoyed, #complaining

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Dilbert says, "Could you make these changes in the database? It will only take five minutes."Man says, "Ooh, I don't know?" Dilbert says, "Wait!" Dilbert says, "Are you planning to spend ten minutes explaining why you don't have five minutes to do this task?" Dilbert says, "Or are you so incompetent that a five-minute task will take an hour?" Dilbert says, "Or are you limited by company policy because you're a feckless waste of carbon?" Dilbert says, "Or are you the agreeable but unorganized type who will say yes, lose my note, and forget who asked?" Man says, "I was planning to tell you this doesn't need to be done and refuse to change my position even after you give me good reasons." Dilbert says, "Experience is just another word for losing hope."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raises, #percentage raises, #dont discuss, #humilaiting, #low raises, #wages, #money

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"Please don't discuss your raise with co-workers." "Whatever." "Let's see how the losers and morons did." "You only got 6%? I got 8%." "9%. Why do you ask?" "7.5%. Anything less would be humiliating." "Well, let me see...I think it was..." "Brace for impact." "8.5%" "GAAA!!" "Has she yet learned why it is a bad idea to discuss her raise with co-workers?" "Sounds like it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business manager, #for celebrities, #have locks, #life story, #sign here, #film on thursday, #someone steal your fortune, #the biography channel

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Dogbert approaches Dilbert and says, "I decided to become a business manager for celebrities." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "Because banks have locks." A celebrity enters Dogbert's office. Dogbert says to the celebrity, "Everything you own has been put in my name...for...um...tax purposes." The celebrity replies, "You're such a good friend. How can I ever repay you?" Dogbert responds, "You can sign this. It gives me the rights to your life story." The celebrity signs the document. Dogbert says to him, "In the unlikely event that someone steals your fortune and you become a pathetic drug addict..." Dogbert continues, "...I can sell your story to the 'biography' channel." Dogbert says to the celebrity, "They start filming on Thursday."

Emotionally Manipulative Robot

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Emotionally Manipulative Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #manipulation, #manipulative, #manipulative behavior, #robot, #technology gone bad, #upgrade, #killing machine

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The Emotionally Manipulative Robot. Robot: People who are not losers buy memory upgrades for their robots. Only upgrade me if it's what you want. But if you don't, there's a very good chance I'll turn into a killing machine. Man: I guess I'll upgrade. Robot: I'm okay either way. It's totally up to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #excuse, #leadership, #Promotion, #promote

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Boss: I can't promote you because you didn't have an impact on anything important. Dilbert: How can I have an impact on important things when you put me on unimportant projects? Boss: That sounds like an excuse. Dilbert: What's the difference between an excuse and a great reason? Boss: It depends who says it. Leaders have great reasons when things don't work out, but losers just have excuses. Dilbert: So... you can turn my excuses into great reasons by promoting me? Boss: No, because I can't promote you. Dilbert: That sounds like an excuse.

Wanting More Out Of Life

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Wanting More Out Of Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #laziness, #wisdom, #ambition

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Asok: Do you ever want more out of life? Wally: That's how losers think. If you always want more, you can never be happy with what you have. Asok: I can't tell if you're wise or lazy. Wally: I know. It took me years to find that sweet spot.

Boss Is Not A Quitter

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Boss Is Not A Quitter  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #internet, #troll, #trolling, #baiting, #technology

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Boss: That stupid online troll is insulting me again on social media! I keep defending myself, but instead of agreeing with me, he keeps calling me "defensive" and "pathetic," Carol: Maybe you could stop engaging with him. Boss: I'm not a quitter!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #Dilbert, #Wally, #chatbot, #plumbing supply, #website, #sister

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Wally: I fell in love with a chatbot. We met on a plumbing supply website. I started innocently. I had a few questions about faucets. Next thing I knew, she was getting flirty. Now we chat for hours every night. Alice: That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard you creepy loser. Dilbert: Does your chatbot have a sister?

Consultant Gets No Help

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Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

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the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.