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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #thinking, #new information, #project scope, #anticipate, #think

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Dilbert: Based on this new information, you'll want to change our project scope. Boss: I don't do that. Dilbert: What? Think? Today I learned it's better if I don't try to guess what people mean.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #frustration, #magic, #oogah-boogah, #folder, #assignment, #boss request, #attutude, #business

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Boss: Alice, can you take care of this by close of business today? Alice: Oogah-boogah! Work be done! Let's hope magic is real! Boss: We need to talk about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money

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Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dueling, #announcing stupid, #dumbest person, #history, #moron, #new cubicle, #education

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Loud Howard meets Topper Coworker: I did something stupid today!!! Topper: That's nothing. I'm the dumbest person in the history of the universe!!! Together: I'm a moron!!! Dilbert: I need a new cubicle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #compliment, #office workers, #reaction

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dilbert says, "Alice brought her new baby to the office today." Dilbert asks, "What are you supposed to say when somebody shows you a baby?" Dogbert replies, "'Precious' usually works." Dilbert says, "Judging from the reaction, 'bug-ugly' wasn't what she was looking for."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 1989's comic on:


Tags #store, #reaction, #nuclear

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Dilbert enters Electrode Hut. Dilbert says to the salesclerk, "I'm looking for a detonator coil, suitable for a small nuclear device." The clerk faints and falls to the floor. Dilbert says, "That was the best one today!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #waiting, #medical

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Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaur, #medical expenses, #plattypuss

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Bob the Dinosaur remembers the image of a dinosaur crushed under a meteor. Bob says, ". . . But Larry the Dinosaur survived his brush with the meteor." Bob continues, "His medical expenses soared. Today we recognize Larry as the first of a new evolutionary chain of dinosaurs . . ." Bob pictures a flat animal with legs. Bob concludes, "The 'Doctor-Billed Flattypuss.'" Dilbert says, "I'm not buying this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 1989's comic on:


Tags #national news, #critics, #management, #megaslime corporation, #repitilian, #aliens

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Dilbert sits in his chair watching a television news report. The newscaster says, "And in national news . . ." The newscaster continues, "Critics today accused the management of Megaslime Corporation of being hideous reptilian aliens bent on enslaving the earth." The newscaster continues, "A spokesman for the company denied the charge." Dilbert says, "Whew!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #broccoli, #vegetables, #radiation

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Dilbert says to Dogbert who is sitting in his chair, "Don't get too close to my lab today." Dogbert asks, "Why not?" Dilbert answers, "I'm using radiation to mutate new species of vegetables." Dogbert asks, "Isn't that dangerous?" Dilbert replies, "Funny, the broccoli asked me the same question."